Cake Eater Chronicles: April 2006 Archives

April 27, 2006

Putting the "Ick" in Geriatric

I saw that Cialis commercial last evening in which the older couple are enjoying the full second flowering of their lives. They're rich, cultured (but still spontanious and quirky!) and in perfect harmony with each other.

Evidently, ol' Gramps has just popped his pill because they're just slipping up the stairs when the doorbell rings and - surprise! - it's the kids and grandkids come for a visit! The rest of the commercial features Gramps and Gran sporting with the youngsters, bonding with their own offspring and.....and....making expectant little faces at each other that say, "As soon as we get rid of these people, it's party time!"

As Malcom Reynolds might say, I find this a might creepifying.

I suppose there really is a clinical condition called erectile dysfunction. But I also strongly believe that ninety-nine out of a hundred men who think they have it really don't. If you're too old, or too out of shape, or too drunk, or too stressed, or too just whatever to, er, perform, that ain't "E.D.", it's just a by-product of your condition. Vanity drugs like Cialis or Viagra simply cause the body to steam-roll right over these other factors. That isn't right.

By the bye, I'm guessing the main market for Cialis isn't the loving older couple who just need that little bit of extra help to rekindle the bliss of their youth. I'm guessing instead that it's primarily middle-aged men working hard to keep up with the trophy bimbette twenty, thirty or forty years younger than them.

Posted by Robert at 07:15 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

April 26, 2006

An Apology

Dear Kathy,

Well, we've been having a bit o' fun here the past couple weeks, scribbling all sorts of gibberish while teacher wasn't looking.

It seems to me, though, that if we haven't actually gone overboard yet, we are at least standing on the gunwales. I know that sooner or later you're going to want to pick up with this thing again and it will just make it all that more difficult if, when you come back, your blog is covered in childish graffitti.

So, to this end, I've decided to cut it out. Instead, I promise from here on forward to write more legitimate, substantive posts. Indeed, it occurred to me recently that nobody in my real life family or circle knows anything about my access to this place, so I could even open up a good bit more here than I do in my semi-anonymous role as a Llama.

Again, my apologies, both to you and to those Devoted Cake Eater Fans who are still bravely manning their posts.

Yours,

Robbo

P.S. Got any Cheetos?

P.P.S. I'm just kidding.

P.P.P.S. I mean about the Cheetos, not about the apology.

P.P.P.P.S. But some Cheetos would taste good.....

P.P.P.P.P.S. No, no, no. Forget all that. Let's just stick with the apology.

YIPS FROM KATH: Duuuuuude.

Like this was some bastion of high brow commentary beforehand?

If that's true, the great big Cheeto machine in the sky will start shooting out those yummy little air fluffed cheese flavored poofs sprinkled at a increased rate so there will never be a Cheeto shortage again.

But since Cheetos aren't falling from the sky, well...I think you can draw your own conclusions about the quality content of the Cake Eater Chronicles.

Posted by Robert at 12:06 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

April 25, 2006

What This Blog Needs

Is Jack Bauer on a plane.

He'd show those killer chimps a thing or two. And he'd eat all their Cheetos.

Stupid killer chimps.

Jack Bauer's cool.

UPDATE: And how about Al-Quartman on a plane?

Posted by Robert at 02:03 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

April 24, 2006

What This Blog Needs

Is killer chimps.

Killer chimps!

Caesar, call your office.

Posted by Robert at 09:03 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

April 21, 2006

What This Blog Needs

Is Lego Annikan.

Lego Annikan.jpg

Lego Annikan! Just as good an actor as the original!

Posted by Robert at 02:27 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

April 20, 2006

What This Blog Needs

Is Evil Slutty Trolls.

Evil Slutty Trolls!

Posted by Robert at 05:40 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

April 19, 2006

What this blog needs

Yeaaaaaaaaah, Baby! This blog is now #1 on Google worldwide for

Colin Firth Monkey love

I'm a quivering.

Posted by Steve at 03:05 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

What This Blog Needs

Is a little Colin Firth trash talk.

Hugh Grant.jpg

"Firth? Now there's a first class prat for you. Know the hardest part of filming Bridget Jones? Pretending to let him kick my ass. Pure Oscar material. There ought to be a special category: Best Dive Taken On Behalf Of A Total Wanker. I mean, this guy couldn't punch his way out of a wet paper bag! He wouldn't last a single round against a ten year old Girl Guide. I heard Richard Simmons made him cry once.

What a complete and utter wanker.

Now, where are those Cheetos you promised me?"

What say you, devoted Cake Eater fans? Does this blog deserve to vault to the Google-bomb pinnacle for "Colin Firth trash talk"?

UPDATE:

Colin Firth.jpg

"Oh, Hugh! You're so.....hurtful! And who took my Cheetos?"

Posted by Robert at 07:54 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

April 18, 2006

What This Blog Needs

Is an answer to the question, "How do you solve a problem like Maria?"

She climbs a tree And scrapes her knee
Her dress has got a tear

She waltzs on her way to mass
And whistles on the stair

And underneath her wimple
She has curlers in her hair!

I've even heard her singing in the abbey

She's always late for chapel,

But her penitence is real

She's always late for everything

Except for every meal

I hate to have to say it but I very firmly feel

(all together)
Maria's not an asset to the abbey

(one nun)
I'd like to say a word in her behalf:
Maria makes me laugh

(all nuns laugh)

(Mother Abbess)
How do you solve a problem like maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
(one nun)
How do you find a word that means Maria?

(one nun at a time)
A flibbertajibbit?

A will of a whisp

a clown

Many a thing you know you'd like tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand

But how do you make her stay?
And listen to all you say

how do you keep a wave upon the sand?

Oh how do you solve a problem like Maria?

How do you hold a moon beam in your hand?

When I'm with her
I'm confused
Out of focus
And bemused
And I never know exactly where I am

(one nun at a time)
Unpredictable as weather

She's as flighty as a feather

She's a darling

She's a demon

She's a lamb

She'd out pester any pest
Drive a hornet from its nest

She can throw a twirling dervish out of whirl

She is gentle

She is wild

She's a riddle

She's a child

She's a headache

She's an angel

She's a girl!!

(all at once)
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?

A flibbertajjibet
A will of a wisp
A clown

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay?
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
Oh how do you solve a problem like maria?
How do you hold a moon beam in your hand?

The World wonders.

Posted by Robert at 12:15 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

April 17, 2006

Okay people!

Presently we're #5 on Google of

Colin Firth monkey love

I can't do this alone: I need your help.

Colin Firth monkey love

We're not even close on making this the #1 spot on Google for Cheetos.

Cheetos

Posted by Steve at 10:47 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

What This Blog Needs

Is a bucket of coffee and a snorkel.

Posted by Robert at 07:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 15, 2006

What this blog needs

is to become the #1 site on the whole internets for all things

Cheetos

Colin Firth Monkey Love

Don't dream small dreams.

April 11, 2006

By Popular Demand: What This Blog Really Needs

Phoenix requested pirates, and this was the cutest pirate that I could find:

Who knew that human pirates are usually ridden with lice and scurvy? Ugh.

Posted by Sadie at 10:07 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

From the Cake-Eater Mail Bag

An interesting letter I thought I'd share with you devoted Cake Eater fans:

Dear Robbo:
What the @*#(%&(@* hell are you guys doing with my blog?????

When I get back, there's gonna be trouble! Think Charles Bronson trouble!

Having a wonderful time, wish you were here.

-Kathy

P.S. Did you guys really eat all my Cheetos? That's gonna cost ya.

Well, I tried to head off the whole Ann Murray/Cheetos thing, but in the words of Joliet Jake Blues:

I ran out of gas! I got a flat tire! I didn't have change for cab fare! I lost my tux at the cleaners! I locked my keys in the car! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!"

Posted by Robert at 06:59 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 09, 2006

What This Blog Needs

Is a tall ship and a star to steer her by.

[Ed. - Isn't it ironic that Masefield was Poet Laureate for so many years and doesn't seem to have realized that the correct phrase would be "a star by which to steer her"?]

Posted by Robert at 01:53 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

April 08, 2006

What This Blog Needs

Is A Blow On The Head:

Michael Miles [John Cleese]: And could we have the next contender, please? (a pepperpot walks out onto the set towards Michael Miles) Ha ha ha... Good evening, madam, and your name is?
Woman [Terry Jones]: Yes, yes...
Michael Miles: And what's your name?
Woman: I go to church regularly.
Michael Miles: Jolly good, I see, and which prize do you have particular eyes on this evening?
Woman: I'd like the blow on the head.
Michael Miles: The blow on the head!
Woman: Just there. (points to the back of her head)
Michael Miles: Jolly good! Well your first question for the blow on the head this evening is: What great opponent of Cartesian dualism resists the reduction of psychological phenomena to physical states?
Woman: I dunno that!
Michael Miles: Well, have a guess.
Woman: Uh...Henri Bergson.
Michael Miles: Is the correct answer!
Woman: Ooh, that was lucky. I never even heard of him!
Michael Miles: Jolly good!

Posted by Robert at 08:05 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Correction: What This Blog Really Needs

...Is an old-fashioned catfight between Hugh Grant and Colin Firth. Okay, so this isn't exactly an ancient movie still, but I washed it with a sepia tint. Play along, m'kay?

Posted by Sadie at 02:11 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Cake Eater Chronicles

April 27, 2006

Putting the "Ick" in Geriatric

April 26, 2006

An Apology

April 25, 2006

What This Blog Needs

April 24, 2006

What This Blog Needs

April 21, 2006

What This Blog Needs

April 20, 2006

What This Blog Needs

April 19, 2006

What this blog needs

What This Blog Needs

April 18, 2006

What This Blog Needs

April 17, 2006

Okay people!

What This Blog Needs

April 15, 2006

What this blog needs

April 13, 2006

What This Blog Needs

April 12, 2006

Google bombing for fun and for profit

What This Blog Needs

April 11, 2006

By Popular Demand: What This Blog Really Needs

From the Cake-Eater Mail Bag

April 10, 2006

Correction: What This Blog Really Needs

What this blog needs now---

What This Blog Needs

April 09, 2006

What This Blog Needs

April 08, 2006

What This Blog Needs

Correction: What This Blog Really Needs

April 07, 2006

What This Blog Needs

April 06, 2006

Hello?-ello?-ello?-ello?

April 02, 2006

Google carpet bombing