Oscar Snark: The 2006 Edition (UPDATED, with fancy schmancy pictures, too!)

Ok, we're moving on to the ceremony itself.

As is usual, I'll keep updating if you keep refreshing. It's a quid pro quo excursion, kids---live up to your end of the bargain.

• ok, so we enjoyed Jon Stewart's little opening bit with the former hosts. We laughed. We cried. It was much better than "Cats."
• The gay cowboy thing was HYSTERICAL.
• Clooney will not win the rest of the night.
• Mr. H and I have decided that we're in agreement: Ben Stiller annoys the fuck out of us.
• what's up with those big bow ties? I get that now. Sorry to be an idiot there for a moment.
• Naomi Watts looks so washed out.
  
• Dolly, honey, at some point in time you have to cut the plastic surgeon loose or you will end up looking unnatural. This is that point in time. You're on the verge of freakish, darling, and while I realize you don't have a problem with that, your defenders might. Stop now, while you've got the chance.
  
  
• Ok, I'm glad they're actually letting non-actors up on the stage this year, but why do they keep playing music while they're talking? RUUUUUUDE!
• Is it bad of me to say that I enjoyed Steve Carrell with fake eyelashes?
• say "Tom Cruise is vulgar" Lauren! Say it. Please???
• The best actress attack ads were v.v. funny.
• Charlize Theron's dress is UUUUUUGGGGGLY! God, that is not flattering AT ALL!
  
  

  What is that? A pillow for convenient Oscar napping? Jeez!

• Please, God, when will the Oscar people realize that we actually don't need to hear the nominees for best song? I mean, really, they're just going to give it to Randy Newman, anyway. It's such a waste of commercial time.
• Mr H.: "I'm waiting for Michael Jackson to fly up on the top of the {burning} car.
• The TRAVESTY version of P&P: 0 for 3! WOOOHOOOO!
• Don't break an arm, Hollywood, by patting yourself on the back too hard.
• Salma, could you please have just one day where you look like shit so the rest of us could have a good day? Just a thought. Maybe we'd rent Frida for the quid pro quo.
  
• That TRAVESTY P&P is 0 for 4! WOOOOOHOOOOOO!
  

  But, to throw her a bone, Keira is wearing the best necklace of the night, by far.

• STOP plugging going to the movies, people! If you want people to go to the movies, well, make sure the experience doesn't suck. Clean theaters, make sure people turn their phones off, make sure that your feet don't get stuck in sticky spilled soda, make sure that someone's not giving their boyfriend head up in the upper rows. And this isn't even getting into the fact that MANY OF YOUR MOVIES SUCK!
• I have nothing against hip-hop, but "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp?" Really? This might just be the performance that kills the song performances. Or at least one can hope.
• I guess not.
• Man, I wish Jennifer Garner would have bit it. That would have made up for the whole last season of Alias
• Ok, so I think Jon Stewart is being quite funny. Then again, I thought it was quite wonderful when Adrien Brody let loose on Halle Berry, not realizing a world of feminists would object, so what do I know?
• Ok, it's five minutes to ten and we've got what? best actress, the writing awards, best director and best picture to go? This thing is so not getting over with any time soon.
• YAY REESE!
• Is anybody reading this thing or are you all ignoring my hard work.
• Yeah, that's what I thought.
• Ok, sorry about that, but they sped through the last few awards and then it was over! Sheesh. If they got rid of the music numbers, perhaps they wouldn't have to do that. Just sayin'.

  Ok, here's the thoughts: not surprised that Larry McMurtry wore jeans to the Oscars. Good for him. I'm sure he was the most comfortable man in the room tonight. I'm glad Ang Lee finally got an Oscar and I was quite surprised that Crash won best picture. I think they all were, too. They actually seemed quite overjoyed that they won, which was nice, even if stupid Bill Conti cut off the producer during her acceptance speech. I swear they wouldn't have done that if Spielberg had won for Munich. Oy. Highly annoying. And that wasn't the first time they'd done that this evening.

  And, now, I have a table full of half-empty food dishes that needs clearing away so that I can go to bed. Good Night, my devoted Cake Eater readers. Thanks for stopping by.

  And bonne chance.

  Because I'm cheeky that way.

MONDAY MORNING UPDATE

• At what point does your stylist say to you, "Darling, eat a cookie or three because your head is beginning to look freakishly large in comparison to your body." ?
  

  Somebody, please, tell Hillary Swank to eat something! I'm having this horrible image of her head falling off, and rolling down the hill because her body couldn't support its weight anymore.

• I know Sandra's married to Jesse James now, but she and Keanu just look so cute together I had to throw in a picture of them.
  

  Good for her, too, for wearing a dress with pockets if she didn't want to carry an evening bag. It's just too tacky when women dump their crap in their man's pockets.