Golden Globes Snark!

Again, I'll keep updating if you keep refreshing.

• Who on earth thinks it's a good idea to have a theme song specifically for this award show? Anyone? Anyone? I didn't think so. This is SO LAME!
• Adrien Brody---cravat. Not a word you use every day, eh? And there's a reason for that.
• Ok, all Rachel Weisz needs in her hairdo is a pheasant and her ascension to the throne of "Queen of Big Hair" will be complete. Oy.
• Forgive me for stating the obvious here, but---AISLES, people! Aisles.
• Sheila's also liveblogging.
• GET A BRA, DREW! I actually shrieked with horror when I saw her. Girl needs some support. Big time.
• HAHAHAHAHA Geena Davis!
• Ok, so we're rooting for Dr. House. Just in case you were wondering.
• HOT DAMN! It's about time! Funny speech, too.

  

• I could say SO much about Melanie Griffith, well, I just can't narrow it down. Let your imaginations wander people.
• Need more wine, be right back. Liveblogging just isn't liveblogging unless there's some sort of alcohol available.
• Steve Carrell won! I love that "his wife" wrote his acceptance speech. That's funny!
• So, how awful did Pamela Anderson look, eh? She looked so tacky that it's almost hardly worth talking about, but this does quite handily segue into the topic of tattoos. As in, you won't be able to wear a gorgeous gown if you get one. It just looks awful. Ugh
• Wash your hair Tim!

  

• Ok, Keira Knightly had BETTER NOT WIN for Pride and Prejudice I'm throwing down if that happens.
• Everyone's safe. Thanks Reese for beating the snot out of that travesty version of P&P

  
  I'll even post her picture because I'm so happy Keira lost. And she does look pretty, too, doesn't she?

• HAHAHAHAHAHA! How funny is it that the Desperate Housewives got shut out? I love Mary Louise Parker! Billy Crudup is an idiot. Really and truly.
• And while we're on the subject, Claire Danes is a BIG TIME HOMEWRECKER
• How funny is Emma Thompson! Even if she is introducing the clip of that TRAVESTY OF A FILM!
• Sheila and I are on the same wavelength: Eric Bana---Good God is he hot!
• If S. Epatha wins, do you think she'll lose her acceptance speech in her cleavage again?
• A moment of silence for Colin Firth!
• Dating Calista Flockhart has NOT been good for Harrison. Poor man. OMG. I thought he was just faking being a wee bit lit on stage, but he actually had a cocktail up there! That wasn't a prop! That's just sad.
• I love that Larry McMurtry thanked his typewriter for keeping him out of the "dry embrace of the computer." How wonderful. It totally fits that Larry McMurtry would use a typewriter. I can't imagine any of the wonderful work he's produced coming from a computer.
• Mr. H. declared yesterday that he thinks that Josh dude (can't remember how to spell his last name) from Las Vegas is really hot. I was kind of surprised, because he's not really Mr. H's type, but I can understand.
• Am I the only one on the planet who doesn't watch Desperate Housewives and who honestly couldn't care less that they won? I think I must be. Everyone else looks really bored with the award they just won, too. That doesn't bode well for the future, if you ask me.
• Penelope Cruz looked like ass!
• Mmmmmm. Boom-Boom. Go King Fu Hustle!
• Damn. Kung Fu Hustle was shafted in favor of a movie about homicide bombers.
• Ummm, I hate to tell you this, but there isn't a "Palestine." Those people are from Israel. Even if they don't want to admit it.
• So, I didn't listen to John Williams' score for Memoirs of a Geisha. Who'd he plagiarize this time?
• HONESTLY, Mariah! What's up with those titties? Sheesh, honey! Find out if there's a money back guarantee on those puppies and see if you can't do something about that. Yikes!

  

• I'm saying it again: Gwyneth's dress is awful. And what's up with the way she's speaking? Has she suddenly adopted an English accent after living there?
• Oh, loving that they showed a clip from The Lion in Winter for Sir Anthony's award.
• Look at the super young Mel Gibson!
• Oh God, I'd forgotten how wonderful Sir Anthony was in Amistad as John Quincy Adams.
• I LOVED that they gave Hannibal the Cannibal his full due!
• GWYNETH! IT'S ANTHONY NOT "ANTONY". Why would you say it that way when the rest of the Western World says it the other way? As Eddie Izzard would say, "Because there's a fucking 'H' in it." Sheesh.
• Opie's scaring me with his beard.

  

• Sheila: "- Gwyneth - his name is ANTHONY. Not ANTONY. Knock it off with the accent, you puffed-sleeve phony." Bwahahahahahaa. We're so on the same wavelength with this one!
• Clint is looking so ragged.
• Peter Jackson is SOOOOOO on Atkins.

  

• Is Pierce Brosnan's wife pregnant again? She looks rather large.

  UPDATE: Nope. NOT preggers.

  

• I haven't seen any of these movies, but I'm glad Joaquin won. He did sound just like Johnny Cash. "Who'd ever thought I'd win in the comedy or musical category?" Tee hee. Nice to know he's got a sense of humor about himself. You kind of have to wonder sometimes, he seems so intense. I hate to say it, but DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN DO I MISS HIS BROTHER! Poor Joaquin. I shouldn't say that, because it's his big moment and he shouldn't have to deal with always being compared to his brother, but since I write about Joaquin and River Phoenix exactly, oh, once in the three years I've written this blog---meaning this is the first time ever, well, I'm going to say it: man, I miss River.
• Tim McGraw choked up talking about the Cash's. Wow. That's kind of cool.
• Uh-oh. It's the chubby cheeker! Look out!

  You knew it was coming, didn't you?

  Sheila: "Renee - what is your problem? I hate your sour face. I hate your whispery passive-aggressive voice. I hate your up-from-under-the-eyelids look you seem to find so attractive. Nice dress though. But hateful personality." Ouch.

• OH THANK GOD! It's official. This newish version of Pride and Prejudice sucks rocks. Mmmmhmmm.
• Oh, Jane Seymour is so happy for her husband who produced Walk the Line she's crying. That's so sweet.
• Deborah Messing's dress isn't a dress...it's a muumuu! Oy! The flavor of the islands and all, honey. I can understand that, but YIKES!
• Oh, hurrah! Lost won for best tee vee series! WOOHOOO! I'm so glad, now if J.J.Abrams doesn't let the writers go all over the fucking board again, like he did with Alias where no one can keep track of all of the subplots, I'll be a happy woman. PLEASE, people, I beg you: plot it out!
• Have I mentioned that my sister M.L. and my brother Tim played shuffleboard at a bar with Dennis Quaid last March? Yeah. Not real happy I wasn't with my siblings that night.
• With that goatee Leonardo looks like a half-assed magician who'd play at your kid's birthday party.
• I'm glad Felicity won. I haven't seen Transamerica but I FREAKIN' LOVED SPORTSNIGHT! and since I think that show should still be on, I was rooting for her. Don't you love my logic?
• Not invested in the best actor award at all. I'm glad Phillip Seymour Hoffman won if for no other reason than Boogie Nights.
• Sheila: "I'm inappropriately pissed off at Jamie Foxx's sunglasses. I really need to let it go." NOOOOOOO. DON'T LET IT GO! It was incredibly rude!
• Not really surprised about Brokeback Mountain winning best picture.
• Ok, it's over with EARLY. The Oscar people need to take a lesson from the people who run this one. Honestly. Ditching the musical numbers doesn't hurt anyone. I'm serious. PUHLEEEZE, Oscar people, take a lesson. I'm begging you!