Hand

It's Thursday, so you, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, know what that means: another riveting installment of the Demistifying Divas and Marvy Men's Club.

While I generally loathe anything and everything to do with Seinfeld (it wasn't that funny, kids. It really wasn't.), one of the few episodes I actually remember watching was the "hand" episode. What they were discussing over their table at the coffee shop was having "the upper hand" in a situation, but it being kitschy little Seinfeld, they had to shorten it to "hand." Wherein it became something everyone chatted about over the water cooler on some random Friday morning in the mid-1990's. Furthermore, that's when it came to annoy me. (And I should just warn you now that I'm not going to tie this string up later with some clever little throwaway line. It's just not going to happen. The only reason I included this bit in the first place was to get warmed up. This warm-up, of course, had the added benefit of being able to bitch about Seinfeld: what's not to like?)

So, the question searing the gray matter this morning is who has "hand" during the various stages of a couple's relationship? Who's got hand during the dating portion, and who's got it after marriage?

Now, to be sure, this question presumes one thing: that men and women are not on equal footing throughout the course of their relationships. And I would think that's true. Unless the wants and needs are exactly the same, I don't think you'll ever have true equality, and men and women most definitely want different things. Men, when they're dating want sex with one woman. Then they'll want sex with another woman. Then they'll want to take a nap. Then they might scratch their crotch a bit and declare their desire to have sex with another woman, right after they've polished off that leftover pizza in the fridge, etc. Women, on the other hand, want a relationship; they want to settle down, get married, make a home and maybe have babies. But they only want to do this with one man. Inequality. Because many are greater than one, M>1, women do not have "hand" whilst dating.

But, invariably, something happens to the average man, somewhere along the way, and he wants to have sex with only one woman. This something is generally called "love." Or in the rare case of cynicism it's called "I'm tired of catting around." Either way, the man settles down with one woman and---presto change-o!---the power balance has switched. The woman now has "hand" because a man's libido doesn't change when he settles down; all that sex he was having with many women he now wants to have with one woman. And, because of that, that one woman holds the keys to the kingdom. The woman has acquired "hand."

So, you're undoubtedly thinking, But, Kath, it can't really come right down to sex and who's willing to put out? Well, no, it doesn't. Not entirely, but I think that sex makes up a goodly chunk of what's going on there, eh? The need to get laid and to reproduce is strong. You'd never underestimate The Force, would you? Well, don't underestimate the need to get laid, ya dig?

And therein lies my opinion on the matter. For other fabulous Diva-y takes go and visit Silk and Phoenix. Rumor has it that Sadie will be back next week. (Woohoo!) Our guest diva this week is one of the newest members of the fold, Paula of Ultrablog. Make sure you go over and bid her welcome. For the XY Chromosomed view, shuffle along and read what Phinny, Stiggy, Jamesy, and whichever one of the Naked Villains has chimed in this week. The guest men's club member this week is Tea Fizz, so hopscotch on over and read what he's written on the matter.

UPDATE: The Wiz has decided to grace us with his presence this week. Go and read.

Posted by Kathy at November 3, 2005 09:55 AM | TrackBack