Oh. My. God.

I'm on the verge of disowning my child.

I wouldn't know Led Zeppelin if they knocked on my door.

I don't think I've ever heard "Stairway to Heaven."

So I don't know what all the fuss is about.

And you call yourself my child! Oh, the shame. The betrayal! The downright disappointment!

Vapors. Case of the vapors coming on right quick! Aieeeeeeeeeee.

{Insert Kathy trying to get a grip here}

Ahem. It's time to pay attention, child.

All you really need to know about Led Zeppelin is....

When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

Fast Times quotes aside, this is pure rock and roll. It's derivative of nothing and everything simultaneously. It is fresh and original, even thirty some odd years later. All you need do is listen. One other thing you need to know is that listening to Stairway is freakin' OPTIONAL, but that's another story for another day.

Ahem.

To further your education, I present to you, my child, two of our favorites. My favorite Led Zeppelin song is Bron-Y-Aur-Stomp. I would challenge you to listen very carefully to Jimmy Page's guitar playing on this one. It's deceptively simple. There is only one guy playing the guitar on that track. There have not been multiple tracks laid down. There were no other guitarists around. There should be, by all rights, more than one guitar. Know that there is not. Very few other people could have wrenched that much sound from a guitar. I can only think of three and one of them is dead.

The husband, the true Zeppelin fan in this household, had a hard time narrowing his choices down, but ultimately decided to present you with Black Dog. He says this is basic Zeppelin and I would have to agree.

Listen, sweet child o' mine. That is all you need do to redeem yourself.

UPDATE: Have shamed the child into redeeming herself. Even if she's only doing it to try and gain the throne of Cake Eater Land. A line from The Lion in Winter comes to mind:

You're not mine! We're not connected! I deny you! None of you will get my crown, I leave you nothing and I wish you plague! May all your children breach and die!

Heh. No benevolent dictatorship here.

No doubt you're thinking that's a wee bit rough. I don't. I'm all about high expectations. And I have high hopes for Cake Eater Land. My kid knows this. If she wants the crown, she knows what she has to do.

I shall expect an update come Monday.

I cannot believe I just got away with quoting Fast Times and The Lion in Winter in one post about Led Zeppelin. Just try and beat that one! I triple-dog-dare you!

Posted by Kathy at April 15, 2005 12:50 AM