Ok, so here's what you need to know about actually cooking the bird.
Forgive me if this is lacking some of the humor of earlier posts: I
woke up late and I'm afraid someone might
actually be depending upon me for their turkey cooking instructions and
I don't want to leave them hanging while I fret over making it funny.
Not like that's going to happen, but just in case...
First, basting is important, but instead of fussing with the drippings
in the bottom of the pan, get a chicken buillon cube out and mix it
with one cup of boiling water. If you didn't know, this is how you make
quickie chicken broth. Now, some people swear by using the drippings.
That's fine, if
you've got enough. If you have purchased a smaller turkey, chances are
you probably won't. Turkey's are also leaner nowadays and just don't
give off copious amounts of drippings. Hence, the chicken broth. This
way, whatever drippings you have left at the bottom of the pan you will
be able to use for gravy, rather than basting. General rule of thumb:
try and baste once an hour. Second, leave the bird alone for the most
part. You put the thing in the oven to cook. Let it do so. Third, when
you have about forty-five minutes left on the clock, take off the
tinfoil chapeau. The moonbattery your turkey had previously has now
been cured. Think of this as the final stage in the de-brainwashing
process: just think of Mulder when he finally rid himself of his
delusional theories. That's what you're looking for. Now keep an eye on
the skin while the foil is off. If it begins to get too dark, why, slap
that foil back on for the last few minutes of cooking. It just all
depends how crispy you like your turkey skin to be. Fourth, how to tell
when the turkey is done, paricularly since you told me that I didn't
need that handy-dandy pop-up button to inform me of that momentous
occasion? Well, it's quite simple: when you can shake hands with the turkey, it's done.
Take the end of the turkey leg in your fingers and see if you can give
it a shake. If you can, take it out of the oven. If you can't, keep it
in until you can. Pretty simple stuff. If you're hypernervous and don't
trust me, pull out your meat thermometer and insert it deeply into the
place between the leg and the breast: when it reads 180 degrees, your
bird is DONE. And that's it. When you remove the turkey from the oven,
remove the stuffing from both the neck and the main cavity: place it in
a bowl, cover with foil and keep warm for serving. If you're nervous
about the stuffing not being cooked enough, zap it in your microwave
for a minute or longer. That should get it up to temperature and cook
off any nasties that might be lingering in there. Pitch the apple and
the garlic cloves: I'm sure the apple halves are mush and unless one of
your guests will eat up whole garlic cloves, they probably don't want
them in their dressing. If you're making mashed potatoes, you might
want to recycle the garlic cloves by squeezing them out of their skins
(if you can't do this, well, don't bother because they haven't cooked
enough) and beating them into the potatoes. It's up to you if you want
to add a little turkey-garlic flavor into your potatoes. Then, let the
bird sit before you start carving. If you need to know how to carve,
well, go here and watch the video.
This is a pretty low-maintenence turkey. It's not gourmet by any means,
but it will please your guests. When you cook one at Christmas (because
of course your guests will demand that you do, now that you've proved
yourself a reliable turkey provider) you can get adventurous and try
glazes or different spices. But most importantly, enjoy cooking your
bird. Don't stress out. Like Mom said, it's pretty hard to goof up
whilst cooking a turkey. If you have questions, put 'em in the comments
and I'll try to answer. Finally---HAPPY THANKSGIVING!