..."After U2 announced the release date for their latest album and
most of the hubbub had died down, The Edge announced that he had a few
words to say to one of his devoted fans. "Kathy," he began in his usual
quiet manner, a surprisingly soft and lovelorn look on his face, "yes,
it's true that I really do love you. While you may love my hips and the
way that I move them in the "With or Without You" video, I love yours
even more. They're really lovely. And I wish I could see them everyday.
So here's my email address and a brand spanking new digital camera.
Send me hip updates on a regular basis, please?"
At this point, Edge grew somewhat silent and wore a bemused expression
on his oh-so-handsome countenance. "And you need to call me, Kath. We
have to discuss that baby-making business." He winked at the camera,
then continued, "It's a positive development, I assure you." The press
conference, understandably, erupted into a barroom blitz, with
reporters demanding to know who the mysterious "Kathy" was and how she
had gained his love, despite the fact The Edge is reportedly happily
married. He only nodded at the blistering melee of anxious reporters
and photographers, then left the room, his security personnel closing
in around him. His mobile phone rang just as he was leaving the hotel
ballroom, where the press conference had been held, and he smiled
widely when he heard who was on the line... {hat hip: Mr. H.}