Or as honest as I can be, because we all know I'm really a pathological
liar, hence it just isn't in my makeup to be honest, right?
So long as that's settled...
1. Which political party do you typically agree with?
Republican, but it doesn't sit quite right with me. Particularly when
they spend like a Moscow prostitute who's just stolen a Platinum AMEX
or try to pass amendments to the Constitution outlawing same-sex
marriage to get the ultra-religious nutjobs out to the polls come
election day because
if they don't the nutjobs will think the Rapture is coming and they
won't bother voting at all because they'll be at home, praying and
waiting for the second coming, and there goes that key voting block...
It's crap. If the Libertarians were smart, they'd reorganize their
party into something that doesn't resemble a Montana Militia and they'd
find that they just might have have some takers. 2. Which political
party do you typically vote for?
See above. The least offensive of all options.
3. List the last five presidents that you voted for.
I've only voted for four and I only made the first one because my
eighteenth birthday was a few days before the election and I'd
preregistered (and was able to vote in the primaries at age seventeen
because of Nebraska state law). I'm relatively young that way. Bush,
Bush, Dole, Bush
4. Which party do you think is smarter about the economy?
Neither. Political parties don't have much to do with the economy, do
they? Unless it's an election year, and then 5.6% unemployment is bad
news for one president, when it was good news for another. Oops. I'm
confusing matters. That's the media.
Forgive me. 5. Which party do you think is smarter about domestic
affairs?
Republican. Two words: lower taxes.
6. Do you think we should keep our troops in Iraq or pull them out?
And what, exactly, would pulling them out achieve in the grand scheme
of things?
7. Who, or what country, do you think is most responsible for 9/11?
I think the nineteen assholes who hijacked the planes and slammed them
into the buildings and murdered almost three thousand people are, first
and foremost, responsible. Then there's Osama and his band of merry
financiers/propagandists/training camp operators/imams/sheep. Then
there's the guy in Germany who helped funnel the money. Then there's
the madrassas financed by/operated in Saudi Arabia who filled their
heads with incorrect garbage. I could go on all day. But nowhere on my
list are the names of George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, or Condolezza Rice.
Or even Ted Kennedy, although it slays me to say so.
I still, however, would like to know why Tenet's fat ass hasn't been
booted out of CIA Headquarters. 8. Do you think we will find weapons of
mass destruction in Iraq?
As the husband's Kuwaiti friend said: they will be finding them for
years to come via people tripping over trapdoors in the desert. 9. Yes
or no, should the U.S. legalize marijuana?
Marijuana? Yes. And it's about bloody time, too.
Cocaine/Heroin/Crack/Crank? No. 10. Do you think the Republicans stole
the last presidental election?
No, I don't. GET. OVER. IT.
11. Do you think Bill Clinton should have been impeached because of
what he did with Monica Lewinski?
Bubba can have all the sex he wants. Even if it is out of wedlock.
That's his business, not mine. He just can't lie under oath about it,
so yes, I think he should have been impeached. And he was. He just
wasn't found guilty at the trial in the Senate.
But he should have been.
12. Do you think Hillary Clinton would make a good president?
Shudder
13. Name a current Democrat who would make a great president.
There are Democrats who would make a good president? Well, knock me
over with a feather! Who knew?
14. Name a current Republican who would make a great president.
Condoleeza Rice. Good woman in a storm.
15. Do you think that women should have the right to have an abortion?
Tricky question. It's against my religion, and I do think it's murder.
So, part of me wants to call it a right and wrong issue and let that be
the end of that. But can I be the one to say that if a girl is raped
and subsequently becomes pregnant, that she should be forced to endure
nine months of what, undoubtedly, would be sheer and utter hell, the
reminder of what happened ever present? No, I can't. So, I suppose the
answer is yes. I just wish people wouldn't use abortion as a form of
birth control to take care of the inconvenience that an unprotected one
night stand will invariably bring about. There are other options
readily available. 16. What religion are you?
I follow the guy with the big pointy hat who lives in Rome. As much as
I possibly can, even though he and the dudes in the red hats try my
patience. I'm offering it up for all the poor souls in purgatory. Just
in case you were wondering.
17. Have you read the Bible all the way through?
From start to finish? Like it was a novel or something? No,
and who the hell would? I can say with confidence, however, that I'm
pretty darn sure we hit everything, from start to finish, although in
varying order, in school.
18. What’s your favorite book?
Tough one. There's lots. I see no reason to narrow it down to just one.
19. Who is your favorite band?
Jeez. How old are these questions? It's not like Led Zeppelin is still
playing gigs and putting out those really neat vinyl records, kids.
Although, "When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on
side one of Led Zeppelin IV." Music has moved on courtesy of file
sharing. Although I still love U2. 20. Who do you think you’ll vote
for president in the next election?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that---ahem---WE HAVE A SECRET BALLOT FOR A REASON AND THE CAKE EATER CHRONICLES IS AN ELECTION FREE ZONE. You can probably figure it out if you can read.
21. What website did you see this on first?
Electric Venom