So, you see, I'm not only the Queen of the Woodland Elves...
...I also happen to be a grammar god(dess).
You are a GRAMMAR GOD!
If your mission in life is not already to
preserve the English tongue, it should be.
Congratulations and thank you!
How grammatically sound are you?
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So, I'm a grammar goddess and
the Queen of the Woodland Elves. I have pointy ears, an English accent
and I'm a Queen. Of other pointy-eared people. They're immortal and
they gave me the job in perpetuity. This means I'm good.
Never mind the blantant overuse of the concept of manifest destiny in
the whole deal. My people trust me with the job. This also means I live
in Middle Earth. This means that nasty ass Smeagol/Gollum will cross my
path. This means that when he does and he starts talking about "nasty
hobbitses" I can give him the back of my hand and then rail about his
misuse of the plural for the word "hobbit." But that's just for
starters. This means I can also rail on about the fact he always forgets to use a goddamn pronoun when he is the subject of his sentence. Use
'I', Gollum. Do not say your bloody name when you refer to yourself,
you misguided little twit. It's not cute. It's ignorant. Do it one more
time and I'll send you off into grammar hell where a Balrog will teach
you to speak properly---with a whip of flame." (Oh, and don't tell
me Gollum's use of the English language didn't drive you nuts, either.
If people can rail on Jar-Jar Binks, I can certainly rail on Gollum.)