--- Lileks is apparently making up for last week's lack o' bloggy goodness with a vengeance.
I wish I could have one of Lileks' off-days. It would be one of my better ones.
But this explains why there wasn't anything in the paper today about GDub's visit.
Today’s editorial page had a little squib: “National
Turn-off-the-Television week comes around every year. But as the
Hennepin County Board prepared to pass a resolution to make the county
a TV-free zone last week, Commissioner Mike Opat objected ‘My 3 year
old is a big Timberwolves fan and he needs to know what Kevin Garnett
is doing,’ Opat pleaded. The resolution’s author, Commissioner Gail
Dorfman, renented with a special dispensation for the NBA playoffs.
‘The Timberwolves are quality television,’ she conceded.â€
My tax dollars at work. So why, exactly is the Hennepin County Board of
Panjandrums spending its time on resolutions concerning my television
usage? Is it now the official policy of the county that Tvs should be
off, and am I now doubleplus ungood because I refuse to go along with
this idiocy?
I smell an 'X-Files''-ish conspiracy going on. Yeah. Mmm-hmmm, she
mutters, while nodding knowingly.
The Board of Commissioners passes a resolution---sponsored by a
Democrat---to endorse "National Turn Off The TV Week," and it's covered
in the editorial section of the very same newspaper that failed to report the Prez is coming to town. They're going for complete media-blackout, I tell ya! But they
will control the media blackout. They're preemptively taking themselves
out of the picture because they *know* the Prez has the authority and
is just sneaky enough to do it before they can. They don't want to be
silenced by a man they hate, so they'll silence themselves!
Because you know what happens when the Prez declares a media blackout,
right? You don't? Good gravy, man!
FEMA comes in and takes over. Yep. FEMA. The Federal Emergency Management Agency.
You think 'disaster relief' when you hear that acronym. I think
organization that's fully funded and is now a part of the Department of
Homeland Security! They have power...and they're not afraid to wield
it. Before you know it, the Prez will have declared Martial Law over
the Cities! The so-called Hennepin County Commissioners won't be able
to commission squat. They'll be locked away as enemy combatants at
Guantanamo Bay. As will the editorial board of the Strib. You still
don't think FEMA can do this? Well, wise up, pal! FEMA can and will
do just about anything. FEMA will call in the National Guard, tanks
will roam the highways. Soldiers will police the streets. Are you ready
for that? They'll start asking you who had a Gore sign in their yard
during the last election. They'll encourage you to inform on your
neighbors. Even the kiddies over at Lake Harriet will be discouraged
from feeding those "socialist, no-good, never worked a day in their
lives" ducks, which of course, says nothing of the attitude they'll
take toward Mr. Little Guy.
He'll lose his beachfront property at Harriet because he had the
temerity to tell Pohlad---a big campaign contributor---to fuck off and
buy his own stadium and will have to hide over by the Lake of the
Isles, where the guerilla insurgency is bound to start. Wrack and ruin,
I tell you. That's what FEMA's really all about: not solving it, but
creating it. It's probably just best we follow our brave editorial
leaders at the Strib and The Hennepin County Board of Commissioners
when they tell us they'll be imposing a media blackout on the Prez's
visit. It's just best all around. We don't want to tempt fate, do we?