--- Oooh, the Oscars were last night. Didn't do the party this
year---the husband has a big presentation today and didn't want to
stress him out by hosting a party the night before said big
presentation. Mr. H. came over instead and we noshed on fried chicken
while we watched Joan Rivers be an uneducated, uninformed nimrod on the
preshow. But enough about that---let's get on with the clothes!
The husband thought Angelina
looked stunning. He said that the dress, when she walked out to
present, was a stunner. I'll agree. I think she looked great---all
except for the frigging tatoos. Now, she obviously spent thousands of
dollars to look great for the show. Between the facials, massages, her
hair and makeup people---the dress and the shoes were probably
freebies, but skin upkeep costs money---and in the end it's worth the
money---she looks spectacular. Until you get to the tattos. Now, in my
mind, she transformed from a classy chick to a biker bar
waitress/Cinderella all dressed up for the ball at which she wouldn't
normally be found anywhere near. Just a personal preference, I know,
but tatoos are TACKY! What the hell is she going to do when she's
sixty-five and her arms are sagging? The obvious answer would be that
she'll take a trip to the plastic surgeon and have it taken care of,
but still...why get one in the first place? Contrary to popular
opinion, skin isn't dead---it lives, it breathes---you spend thousands
of dollars taking care of it, why would you damage it so that you can
make some statement about body art??? Her tattos ruined the whole
effect she was shooting for. I'm sure most people see it as a kitschy
mix of old and new, but for me---ugh. Anyway...moving on. Renee
seems to be progressing in her post-Bridget weight loss regimen. It's
been kind of funny watching her at all of these award shows---every
week she seems a little bit slimmer. I don't know what was going on
with the back of this dress. I'll troll for a picture of it---wacky.
There seemed to be a lot of the "big, poofy, fabric concoction on the
butt-syndrome" going on last night. Renee was one of the victims of
this syndrome, which as my mother will tell you, never helps anyone's
derriere look smaller.
I can't find a picture of Nicole Kidman that isn't attached to some
freaking slideshow. Will work on that. I cannot, for the life of me,
figure out how her dress stayed up. I'm assuming there must have been a
ton of boning in that thing, but it didn't look like it? Hmmmm. Anyway,
she still needs to wear COLOR! The gray Chanel number was much nicer
than that thing she had on at the Golden Globes, but still... you're
too pale, girly. Wear some red. Would someone please tell Diane Keaton
that the Annie Hall look has been dead and buried for years and that
she's the only one who didn't get the memo? And good for Jamie Lee
Curtis for letting her gray show. Woohoo!
Honestly, I think Charlize was the best looking woman there last night.
She looked great.
The men:
Djimon is one FINE looking man. Hot flash. Johnny---when will he ever learn? (Though it is amazing how, for him at least, shaving takes fifteen years off.) Jude, Jude, Jude.
To badly paraphrase Mr. H.---Greasy.
As far as the actual show, well where was the "unexpected" stuff the
producers kept promising? It was a typical Oscar show. Billy was funny.
A little too naked in parts, but funny. Here were some of my favorite
things:
1. Michael Moore getting squashed by one of those elephant-like
creatures from The Return of the King
battle scene in the opening presentation. After saying "Bad Hobbits!"
and roundly chastising them for going to war. Heheheh. Good to know he
*can* have a sense of humor about himself on occasion. 2. Jack handing
his sunglasses off to Billy---that was cool. Jack is cool. I think I'm
finally getting what everyone's been talking about all these years in
regards to Jack Nicholson.
3. The music performances were actually good this year. I
especially enjoyed how they didn't drag them out, either. Master stroke
of genuis---thank you whomever was behind that. Someone finally figured
out what was the most tiring thing about watching the Oscars. 4. When
Billy Crystal claimed to be a mind reader: Sean Penn: "This is a nice place. I don't think I've ever been thrown out of here."
Renée Zellweger: "Hmmm...Mrs. Billy Crystal."
Julie Andrews: "God, this starburst nipple brooch is killing me."
Sean Connery: "Pussy Galore. I just got it! That's vulgar."
Julia Roberts: "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, just hate me because I'm rich."
Oprah: "Don't talk about rich, girlfriend."
Charlize Theron: "Mrs. Billy Crystal."
The Sean Connery bit was fantastic! {chuckle}
5. Blake Edwards and his runaway wheelchair. 6. Will Ferrell and Jack
Black's duet, putting lyrics to the music meant to push people off the
stage.
The best bit of the whole show, according to me, was Adrien Brody.
{snort} Whipping out the Binanca like he did...classic timing. It also
shows he's probably the only one in the world who had a sense of humor
about that whole kissing episode last year. I thought that was the best
part of the show last year. I really did---and was shocked to see how
many people thought it was harrassment. Pffft. I really hoped whomever
won this year would kiss him---and Charlize did. Good for her for
having a sense of humor. Anyway---when you have good stuff, there is
always stuff that invariably sucks---here's my list.
1. The Lord of the Rings sweep. I'm glad they finally won---that's
great and everything, but it really made for a boring experience. You
would have thought that the Academy members would have figured out
that---duh---there were three of these things and #2 and #3 weren't
likely to blow if #1 didn't---you could have spread the awards out over
the preceding three years. No one would have blamed you. 2. The
speeches were boring. Nobody got crazy and forgot to thank their lawyer
or their agent. Or their spouse. 3. For all the hullabaloo regarding
it, the five second delay never needed to be there. Stupid.
4. Bill Murray didn't win Best Actor for Lost in Translation. I was hoping for an upset, alas, it never happened.
5. The thing was TOO FRIGGING LONG!
And the award for the best commercial of the night? The Oscar goes to Tiger.
The only problem? I now have that song in my head and it won't go away.
And the husband dowloaded it. Great.
Posted by Kathy at March 1, 2004 01:17 PM | TrackBack