--- Is the election over

--- Is the election over with already? Nope. Some people are just
firing up. Namely, Lileks.

It's come down to it again.
This battle of the lesser of two evils. One great white hope forging
his sword in the flame of electoral righteousness to battle the other
great white hope who's done the same. And for what? The chance to
appease the base voters who are so freaking unimaginative in their
thinking that they actually refuse to learn something new---to
actually, you know, reexamine the issues periodically, rather than
eating up the rhetoric that the candidates spew daily, like a frat boy
on a perpetual binge spews chunks every night after the bars close.
Ugh. It's MARCH and I'm tired of this nonsense. I've BEEN tired of it
since last September. IT'S BORING.
The very least these nimrods could do is give me a smackdown. I want to
see John Kerry smacked Geraldo-style with a folding chair. I think it
would do wonders for that overgrown chin of his. Conversely, I would
really like to see Dubya have his hair pulled. I think it would be good
for the two of them to just get it over with. Kerry v. Bush---The
Deathmatch, buy it on pay-per-view for only $59.95. We could pay off the national debt like that.
But they won't do that. Not very presidential, I'm afraid. However, it
would be really nice if these people actually, you know, campaigned to get votes. Because what they're doing right now is not
campaigning. It's soundbites wrapped up in a tasty brown concoction
pulled from an overly wet backyard. It would be nice if they actually
went to a function where they had to meet someone who didn't
necessarily share their views. If you're a Democrat, don't try to go to
a Bush function. You'll be placed in the "protest zone" about two miles
down the road. If you're a Republican, well, prepare to have junk
thrown at you at a Democratic event. Candidates don't have to campaign
anymore. They don't have to debate (if you think they're actually
thinking on the fly there, you're nuts). All they have to do is deliver
carefully massaged sound bites that will make the evening news as the
"zinger of the day." Campaigning is about convincing someone to vote
for a particular candidate---dissent is an essential part of the
process. After all, how can you convince someone to support you if you
don't actually ever talk to them? Do the presidential
candidates---right or left ever
talk to someone who doesn't support them. This crap that's on the
evening news every flipping night is NOT campaigning---it's
cheerleading. Yep. Cheerleading. You know---those obnoxiously popular
people from high school who wore short skirts and built human pyramids
at basketball games, like they were the only ones who could manage that
incredible feat of human dexterity. The people who shouted inane cheers
like "2-4-6-8, who do we appreciate?" You know the people I'm talking
about. They're fine folks, I have no doubts, but somehow we've all
managed to get caught up in their nonsense. It's a stretch, but do you
think those rabid party supporters on either side were once denied
entry into their high school cheerleading squad? I think it's a
possibility. After all, aren't we a nation of wannabes? Doesn't FOX
have an entire nation seemingly hooked on the insults a nasty
Englishman dishes out to Madonna/Ricky Martin Wannabes? When did this
nation stop thinking for itself?
Demand an actual campaign. Demand that the TV airwaves be free of
political ads---all the time. Demand that the candidates actually have
to go out and campaign and convince voters of their qualifications for
the top job. Don't rely upon celebrities to tell you what a candidate
stands for in some high-quality-production-value commercial bought and
paid for by Hollywood. God. Force them to be honest! And what's amazing is that these politicians actually wonder why voter turnout is so low. They just don't get it.

I can't watch this crap. I am not a cheerleader. I want real
discussion. I want dissent to hit these candidates full and center. I
want to see how they would overcome it. But they're not doing that.
They're campaigning against shadows---what each side perceives the
other to be and this is not what democracy is about. That men and women
died in wars defending this country and this is what they gave
their blood for? This three-ring circus of fundraising? Television ads
that are as nasty as they can get? Lies on the evening news? It's
bogus. Beyond belief bogus. I can't watch John Kerry spew the same,
tired lines about Bush being AWOL. I can't listen to Bush mispronounce
the word "nuclear" anymore. But I will vote. I won't disenfranchise
myself. After all, those brave men and women died so I could have the
right to tell the government who I think should run it. I already know
who I'm voting for in November. Don't ask, because I'm not going to
tell you. It wouldn't be a surprise to those of you who have been
reading this thing for forever, but I believe in the secret ballot.
There's a reason why it's written into the Constitution. Go and look it
up. It's too late for me to start the history lesson. Therefore, now
that my choices are delineated for me---I am declaring the Cake Eater
Chronicles to be---ahem---AN ELECTION 2004 FREE ZONE.

I ain't gonna talk about it no more.