All right. Day two and

All right. Day two and I’m already slacking--I’m late getting this
thing posted. I tried to set up parameters for this blog. I’m only
going to post once a day, and only on weekdays. Otherwise, nothing else
will get done around the house or on the manuscript. And I’m sure
that’s fine with the seven or eight readers I probably have. I do
have an excuse, though: we had company all day long and they just left.
So, Arnold’s running for Governor. This is undoubtedly going to be
the only show in town for the next few months so to add to early
carnival-like atmosphere the media is already running amok with, I will
add the phrase "good for him.” Say what you will about the man’s
accent or the fact he’s a mediocre actor or that he’s got quads the
size of eighteen-wheelers. Say whatever you want about him, he’s
tough and he can take it. Which I don’t personally think is a bad
quality to have in a politician as it keeps them from having
Corleone-sized chips on their shoulders.
Every time I’ve switched CNN on today, there’s been some talking
head bleating on about how smart he is, like they have to convince
people of this before anyone will think of him as a legitimate
candidate. I don’t know why they bother. It should be obvious that
the man is intelligent. For one, he had the good sense to marry a
Kennedy. For another, you don’t get to his position in Hollywood,
living and working in the dog eat dog world that exists in the
entertainment industry by being stupid. You simply can’t be stupid in that business: it isn’t an option. You can be a dimwit actor who thinks Titus Andronicus
is the name of that tanning place down on Melrose and that good abs are
what’s really going to get you that job as the fry guy on a KFC
commercial, but it’s not going to get you anywhere. It takes good
sense to know movie making is a business, not a fantasy world created
at the whim of a talented director. You have to know enough, at the
very least, to have someone on the payroll who isn’t going to rob you
blind, and Arnold, as we all know, is most assuredly not poor.
Hollywood is probably the closest example we have to Darwinism today,
and Arnold has undoubtedly proven that he has survived and is the
fittest.
I personally don’t like Arnold all that much as an actor. The
“Terminator” films…bleh. Not really my favorites. The husband
would vehemently disagree with me, but eh, who really cares all about
that? He loves the “Conan” movies. I think that’s all that really
needs to be said, wouldn’t you? (Although, I will admit I find James
Earl Jones rather interesting in the first one. Talk about taking a
walk on the wild side, eh, James?) The thing I do like about him is
that he is absolutely unapologetic about who he is, what he likes, what
he thinks and how he lives. How many people can you say that about
these days? If you smoke, you probably go outside to do so. If you
drink, you probably don’t ever get drunk in public. You wouldn’t
say something politically incorrect these days because you’re afraid
of coming down on the wrong side of popular opinion. Arnold smokes, he
drives a gas guzzling Hummer and he probably has a beer at the end of
the day and enjoys it. And he’s got plenty of ideas about what needs
to be done and is willing to talk about them. People will say, “Oh,
but who would dare tell Arnold what to do?” I’m sure plenty of
people have in the past: he just blew them off. He’s confident enough
in his abilities to know what matters and other people’s opinions
aren’t important. The thing that makes him different from another
bodybuilder politician whose-name-shall-never-be-uttered
on this blog, is that the man has a great deal of tact: he knows when
to keep his mouth shut. And that’s an important skill to have no
matter who you are. One more thing I like about him: he’s a
Republican in Hollywood and he’s never hidden it. That says a great
deal.
Whether he’ll make a good governor of California is another story
entirely, but I have to say, if the first twenty-four hours are
anything to go by, well, it could be impressive. How many other
Republican candidates could have gotten Riordan to drop his
gubernatorial ambitions on the first day? Who else would have had the good sense to hire Pete Wilson’s entirestaff?
Granted, Gray has to be recalled first, but I think we’re past that
point entirely. The man’s own Lt. Governor threw his hat in. It can
only go downhill from here and oh, is it going to be glorious. And if
Arnold does win, well, he can hardly do worse.
If you’re an observer of politics, this is going to be the equivalent
of that Barroom Blitz Krokus likes to yodel about. I, for one, can’t
wait. All the free entertainment you can eat.
And speaking of people who have thrown their hat into the ring, what
the hell is up with Gary Coleman? The man’s claim to fame is “What you talkin’ about {Willis, Mr. D., Mrs. Reagan}?”
and we’re really to think that this idiot can run the fifth largest
economy in the world? That he can get California’s debt back up from
near junk status on the S&P? The punchline is inevitable, so I
won’t put it in print, but I think you can imagine it if you try hard
enough. Close that other Window that’s running on your computer with
the three naked Asian women and you just might be able to do it.
So my mind is on idiots now and I have to ask: what kind of sheer
freaking dork would pay $50,000 to hear who Carly Simon considers to be
so vain they probably think this song is about them?
Dick Ebersole, that’s who. The president of NBC Sports has paid fifty
thousand smackeroos to find out who was the subject of Carly Simon’s
whopper hit “You’re So Vain.” It was a charity auction thing and
he gets to hear this earth shattering news over lunch at Carly’s
Martha’s Vineyard retreat. And, even better, he has to sign a
non-disclosure agreement before she’ll tell him. Now, who really
gives a rat’s ass about who this song is about? Or not
about, they way Carly tells it. I’d pay fifty thousand bucks to find
out who Deep Throat is, but to pay that kind of money for this? Talk
about a lame-o auction item. What? Did all that fundraising for the
Clintons cause the well of ideas to run dry, Carly? I hope that charity
is laughing all the way to the bank. I can tell you who the vainest one
is: Dick Ebersole. Where’s my fifty grand, Dick?