Greetings, Cake-Eater Nation! Robbo the Llama Butcher here.
Kathy and I long ago traded sets of keys to each other's blogs and every now and again one of us will come across in order to get something off our chests which, for whatever reason, might not be politic to post on our own site. With Kathy's kind indulgence, I'm going to do that right now.
My in-laws are soooooooooo crazy.
Chorus: How crazy are they?
I'll tell you. Here's what I discovered as they came through this weekend on their semi-annual migration from Floridah to New England:
First, the M-I-L has been fiddling with various fad diets for years and years now. Her latest trick, apparently, is to convince herself that she is allergic to virtually every kind of food and drink under the sun (including - yes, really - certain types of water), and to avoid consuming them.
In fact, the woman is no more allergic to most foods than I am and her new-found condition is the product of nothing but auto-suggestion. The punch line is that she has lost weight. The pragmatist in me simply shrugs and says, "Hey, if it works." The philosopher in me pulls out great hanks of my own hair in incredulous frustration.
Second, the F-I-L has never met a conspiracy theory he doesn't immediately swallow hook, line and sinker. JFK. Mary Magdalene. The Tri-Lateral Commission. The Japanese. The Chinese. The Arabs. The Mob. The CIA. Why he's not a Scientologist, I really can't say. The only time he and I have ever had anything approaching a real fight was the time over adult beverages when I assured him with all my heart that when Alan Greenspan looked at himself in the bathroom mirror in the morning, his first thought was not how he was going to screw the F-I-L that day.
The new one is that the government is deliberately trashing the economy and destroying the middle class. That way, you see, more and more people will have no choice but to enlist in the army, which is what the Military-Industrial Complex wants.
As Howard Dean might say, "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaarrrrrgggghhhh!!!!"
Ah, that feels better!
Mind you, I don't dislike the In-laws. They are awfully decent people and they've been very good to us over the years. But they are crazy, and these manifestations of that craziness can be a bit trying some times. Hence the need to vent.
Thank you for your indulgence.
I, for one, WELCOME our new camelid overlords. Sit down, take a load off, and help yourself to some of the beer in the fridge. It's on the second shelf from the top, right behind the orange juice, but make sure you don't drink any of the milk straight out of the jug. Kathy gets positively medieval about people who drink straight from the jug.
Posted by: Russ from Winterset at May 19, 2008 07:50 AMWell, Russ, that shows how much you know about me.
I drink milk straight from the jug, hence I can't really get "medieval" on anyone else who chooses to do the same.
And Robbo, I totally understand about the conspiracy theory bizness. My father falls, hook, line and sinker, for every conspiracy theory that denigrates the Clintons or anyone on the left. He swears that Vince Foster was offed, as were a few other people in Arkansas before Bubba ever took office, not to mention that Ramsey Youssef took down the Oklahoma City Federal Buidling and that Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols were patsies. The theory behind this was to denigrate the right so that the Clinton could gain reelection in 96. And so on and so forth.
Oy.
Posted by: Kathy at May 19, 2008 08:36 AMKathy! I'm shocked. WWJAD? I'm pretty sure she wouldn't drink her milk straight from the jug, I'll tell you that much, missy.
Posted by: russ from winterset at May 19, 2008 09:58 AMKathy,you do what?
Posted by: MOM at May 19, 2008 11:15 AMOh, don't feign innocence, Mom. You knew that.
You busted me God-only-knows how many times when I was a kid.
Posted by: Kathy at May 19, 2008 11:53 AMOh man. MOM reads this blog?
*tidies up her language*
Robbo? I'm happy to offer an adult beverage of your choosing, all the while thanking G-O-D that my husband's parental units are, while sometimes, a bit annoying, not nearly that bad.
Slainte, brother. Have another pint.
Posted by: Margi at May 19, 2008 02:22 PM