Bleh: the Thursday, April 10th Edition

In no particular order:

• Goddamned dishwasher motor crapped out about a week and a half ago. (Yeah, because we all know how much Kathy enjoys washing dishes by hand!) The repair guy came last week, took ten minutes to diagnose the problem, and then, after collecting a check for this admirable task, left, because he didn't have the part in his truck. Fortunately, it was covered under warranty, but they'd have to ship it out to the house, said he, and he'd be back in a week to install it.

  The part shows up yesterday, but not before the repair company calls FOUR freakin' times to a. tell me to call them regarding my service call b. to make sure that the part is there c. to tell me to call them when the part gets there, to confirm my appointment and, finally, d. to confirm the appointment, again, in case the computer gnomes erased the appointment.

  I spent more time on the phone with these jokers than it took to replace the motor.

• Oh, and the dryer is broken, too. Refuses to tumble, or so I'm told by the various males who live in the building. The landlord has been informed. Whether or not he'll do anything about it in the near future, I have no idea. One can only hope, but the fact he lives in Ohio now doesn't really help facilitate the speedy repair of things around here.

  As the husband was completely out of underwear, I had to wash the white load, then hang it up to dry, like I was living in the seventeenth century or something. Even with Downy, you can probably imagine how nice and soft his boxers were this morning when he put them on.

  The socks are another story entirely. They could stand up of their own accord, and perform a song and dance number if they wanted to.

• The dreaded drain is a real pain. Both literally and figuratively speaking. It hurts, yes, but it's just not ideal to have to drag this bag around all the time. God Forbid anyone sees it, because the fluid is yellow and they'll probably get the wrong idea. They gave me this nifty velcro strap to thread through some holes on the bag, and, in theory, you're supposed to wrap this strap around some part of your body; the strap will hold the bag in place and no one will be any the wiser. In reality, however, the strap itches like a bad case of poison ivy, and since this is a gravity bag, it's supposed to go around my thigh, so it will drain properly. Of course, my vanity can't be bothered with the wearing of sweat pants all the time, so I place it up under my boobs when I go out, where an overly large flannel shirt of the husband's hides it perfectly. The nurse disapproves of this move, but, fuck it. My sweat pants are, also, dirty, and I can't wash them because, ahem, the dryer is broken. She'll have to deal. It's not like I'm heading out and leading a normal life all that much right now, anyway.

  And, of course, this being something related to my body, and of course, is now attached to my general bad luck, it's not working. I'm still producing copious amounts of drainage, so I have to back in tomorrow for another round of "Kathy is the Human Cocktail Shaker!"

  Oh, and have I mentioned that it's, on occasion, leaking?

  Good times, my devoted Cake Eater readers. Good times!

• From the National Weather Service in Chanhassen, Minnesota. Ahem.

  {...}RAIN WILL TRANSITION TO SNOW ACROSS WESTERN AND MUCH OF CENTRAL MINNESOTA THIS EVENING. THE SNOW MAY BE HEAVY AT TIMES DURING THE MID-EVENING INTO THE OVERNIGHT HOURS. ACCUMULATIONS BY DAYBREAK FRIDAY OF FOUR TO EIGHT INCHES ARE EXPECTED IN WEST CENTRAL MINNESOTA. MORE SNOW WILL OCCUR DURING THE DAY FRIDAY...WITH TWO TO FOUR INCHES OF ADDITIONAL ACCUMULATION. TOTAL SNOWFALL AMOUNTS OF SIX TO TEN INCHES ARE EXPECTED WITHIN THIS AREA...WITH POTENTIALLY NEAR A FOOT IN A SWATH FROM CANBY NORTHEASTWARD TOWARDS LITTLE FALLS. THE SNOW IN WESTERN AND CENTRAL MINNESOTA WILL ALSO BE ACCOMPANIED BY STRONG WINDS...WITH PATCHY BLOWING SNOW EXPECTED IN RURAL OPEN AREAS.

  IN THE WARNING AREA IN WEST CENTRAL WISCONSIN...PRECIPITATION IS
  EXPECTED TO TRANSITION TO SNOW THIS EVENING. IT MAY BRIEFLY BE
  HEAVY...WITH ACCUMULATIONS OF ONE TO THREE INCHES EXPECTED NORTH
  OF THE HIGHWAY 8 CORRIDOR. MORE SNOWFALL IS EXPECTED DURING THE
  DAY FRIDAY WITH AN ADDITIONAL TWO TO FIVE INCHES OF ACCUMULATION.
  STORM TOTAL SNOWFALL ALONG AND NORTH OF THE HIGHWAY 8 CORRIDOR IS
  EXPECTED TO BE FOUR TO SEVEN INCHES.

  WITHIN THE WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY A MIX OF PRECIPITATION IS
  EXPECTED THIS EVENING...WITH PREDOMINATELY LIGHT PRECIPITATION
  EXPECTED OVERNIGHT. A TRACE TO AS MUCH AS ONE INCH OF ACCUMULATION IS EXPECTED WITHIN THIS AREA TONIGHT. HOWEVER...PRECIPITATION WILL BE PREDOMINATELY SNOW ON FRIDAY WITHIN THIS AREA WITH AS MUCH AS TWO TO FOUR INCHES OF ACCUMULATION.

  THE HEAVY SNOW IS IN RESPONSE TO A LOW PRESSURE SYSTEM MOVING
  NORTHEAST FROM NEAR KANSAS CITY EARLY THIS EVENING TO NEAR
  MILWAUKEE BY FRIDAY EVENING.

  Get all that? No, I don't know how much snow we're supposed to get either.

  I just know that it's supposed to snow. In April. On the TENTH of April.

  Gah. Screw this state. I'm moving south of the Mason Dixon line. I've HAD it.

• Ok, since when did gauze pads become such a highly valued commodity that you have to take a freakin' loan out to buy them? $5 for 20 gauze pads? And that's the Walgreen's brand! What? Is this only the finest Venetian gauze, gathered lovingly by EU-protected laborers? Eh? And, if I wanted the Johnson and Johnson gauze pads, I would have had to spend the same amount for half the product! What the hell is that all about? Don't get me started on how much tape costs.

  Fortunately, however, you can get a boatload of alcohol swabs for $1.99. Just never mind that whatever you need to sterilize won't be sterile for long because you can't afford to buy the gauze to cover it up.

  I swear to God the nickel and diming of all this medical crap is going to drive me to commit murder of some jackass pharmaceutical rep before this whole thing is over and done with.

• Upon the recommendation of Mr. H., who lusts after Jonathan Rhys Myers, I have been viewing the first season of The Tudors.

  Surprisingly, it's turned into yet another one of those "post menopause" experiences for me. Ever since they took my ovaries, modern day advertising doesn't work on me. I look at the writhing bodies that are in most ads nowadays and wonder just what the hell they're advertising. It makes no sense to me, she who hasn't the daily recommended requirement of sex hormones running rampant in her body. Watching The Tudors is much the same for me as looking at these ads: it's a big "What's with all the copulating?" moment for moi. I'll bet Henry VIII wasn't exactly a slouch in real life, but I'll be damned if the guy was really as, ahem, active as this series portrays.

  Other than that, it's a fairly decent show. Again, I doubt it's very historically accurate in the details, but it's a good drama and is highly entertaining, nonetheless. Sam Neill and Jeremy Northam are very good, as Cardinal Woolsey and Sir Thomas More, respectively. However, the standout performance, if you ask me, is Maria Doyle Kennedy as Catherine of Aragon.

That should do you for a time, my neglected Cake Eater readers.