So, this morning, I decided to walk up to the library to return some books. It was a relatively nice day, and since we're supposed to get six inches of snow tonight/tomorrow, I figured I'd better take the opportunity to get out and about before the world turned into one big slurpee.
I'm walking along, minding my own business, trying not to wipe out on the various icy patches, and despite the fact it's below forty degrees outside, the fact that the sun is shiny and warm, the walk is turning out to be a pleasant experience. A hint that spring is around the corner, and I'll soon be able to do this on a regular basis without worrying about ripping out my pants and can avoid all the public humiliation that goes part and parcel with such an event.
I approach a busy intersection and, because the light has just turned green, I start to walk across it. I'm not hustling, because I know from experience that I've got plenty of time to get across it, and it's nice outside---I'm not in the mood to pick up speed. I get to the other side, and, because I need to cross the intersecting road, I wait for that light to turn green. While I'm waiting, some prosperous looking jagoff in a silver Volvo, decides this would be a good time to honk his horn at me. I turn and look, and as his window is already rolled down, he starts yelling, "If the sign says 'Don't Walk,' DON'T WALK BITCH!"
Then he rolled up his window and drove off. Bewildered, I just held up my arms, in what is universally accepted code for, "What the fuck was that all about?" He saw me from his rear view mirror. I know he did, because he paused for a moment at the top of the hill, before jamming on the gas again and taking off.
What is it with these obnoxious drivers? I don't have to press the crosswalk button. If it's been a long time since Driver's Ed, let me remind you that----ahem---PEDESTRIANS HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY. And, yes, that includes not pushin the "Walk" button, and not moving as quickly as you'd like. As long as I'm not jaywalking, I'm in the right. The crosswalk button is there for people with small children, who need a longer period of time to make it across. I don't HAVE to press anything when the light is already green. That is my right by law. But, apparently, the law is not good enough for him. I did not move quickly enough for him, who, had to wait for me to make it across the width of one lane before he could turn right. And, God, you know, that JUST TOOK TOO FREAKIN' LONG TO HAVE TO WAIT FOR SOMEONE TO CROSS THE ROAD, so he had to delay his trip even more by stopping his car---in the middle of traffic, mind you---to yell at me.
This is becoming a problem around Cake Eater land, because this is not the first time some guy has yelled at me from their very fancy, very expensive cars about my failings as a pedestrian. I am sick of this shit. I regularly feel like Dustin Hoffman's character in Midnight Cowboy "I'm WALKING here!" Today, it was Volvo Guy. A couple of years ago, it was Black Toyota SUV Guy, who actually turned around, parked his truck, got out of said truck and tried to find me after I refused to move more quickly, so he could turn left, while I was carrying two heavy bags of groceries. His truck was about a foot from my person, he was gunning his engine, honking his horn, and, as I was royally pissed off at his behavior, I just stood there for a moment, refusing to move in one direction or another, to make my point. When I did move, he squealed around the corner and I went into another store. When I came out, the same guy was standing on the sidewalk, steaming, hands defiantly placed on hips, looking in the direction I had been headed. I walked right past him, a grocery bag in either hand. And he was, apparently, so pissed off that he didn't recognize me, even though I'd been about a foot in front of his truck, staring him down ten minutes previously.
Last autumn, it was Beemer Guy. early on a Sunday morning, I was walking up to the local bakery to get the husband a muffin. There was very little traffic at this hour, but there was some. One car in particular. I was waiting for the light to turn green at the intersection about a block away from our house, and when it did, this "gentleman" in a white, five series Beemer, who was waiting for me to do my business so he could turn left behind me, started gunning his engine before I could even enter the crosswalk. I was not only annoyed that someone had his panties in a bunch at seven-thirty on a Sunday morning, I was threatened by his behavior as well. I don't know about you, but I am NOT going to walk in front of a car where the driver is gunning his German-engineered engine. One slip of the foot, and I'm road kill. Thanks, but no thanks. I've spent too much time in the hospital already, I'm not looking for more. I waved my hand, insisting that he should go first. After he took advantage of my generosity, I shook my head and muttered to myself. He then stopped his precious Beemer, (again, in the middle of the street) and waits for me to get within shouting range. "If you've got something to say to me, SAY IT! YOU HAD YOUR TURN! I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT TODAY!" I just stood there, and stared at him until he decided to storm off.
Look, I'm a pedestrian. I walk places. I am used to coexisting with automobiles and the people who drive them. I am accustomed to obnoxious drivers, who regularly honk their horns at the slightest infraction, who blow through red lights and who are monstrously pissed off when I don't get out of their way as quickly as they'd like---and believe you me, you can never get out of their way quickly enough. Even if you're running, it's not fast enough and you should speed it up. Surprisingly enough, as well, I'm also used to the drunks who like to turn left, illegally, by turning into the wrong lane right in front of you, as in, if you'd been two steps further than you actually were, you would have been flattened. I am used to these people. I always make sure to cross at a crosswalk, with the light, so that if they choose to hit me, I will be able to sue them back to the Stone Age. But to actually start screaming at a random pedestrian? That's just not kosher. That should be a sign to you that you've got anger issues, and should start paying visits to a therapist. I don't really care if you're having trouble paying your mortgage, if your house isn't worth as much as you thought it was, if your wife is fucking the Guatemalan pool boy, if the lease payment on your overpriced sports car is getting to you, or if your kid didn't score well enough on the entrance exam to get into Blake. I don't care about any of these things. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SCREAM AT ME FOR NOT GETTING OUT OF YOUR WAY! I have every right to be there. When I'm there, in a crosswalk, you yield to me, asshole, not the other way round.
Posted by Kathy at March 20, 2008 02:25 PM | TrackBack