I present with minimal comment, because I used to live there, the New York Post's Cindy Adams, on the Iowa Caucuses.
Ahem.
WHO the hell cares about Iowa? Barring a caucus every few years, who even thinks of Iowa. All it's ever brought us is corn, Herbert Hoover, the Wright Brothers, Ashton Kutcher and "The Music Man." Its main attraction is an airport in Des Moines that gets you out.And this state with less people than I have in my kitchen is determining the future of our most powerful nation on Earth?
OK, first off, in Algonquin "caucus" means "a tribal gathering of chiefs." In Iowa, it means a grass-roots get-together. In truth, it means a load of BS. The history of their caucuses (caucii?) comes down to the fact that Ronald Reagan lost in them. Twice. Bill Clinton came in fourth. But they did deliver us Jimmy Carter. So what's that tell you?
This first step toward occupying the White House begins in maybe a firehouse. Farmhouse. High school gym. Just being able to write your name is the first plus toward eligibility. The event begins 6:30. Registration starts at 6. Not like this is a big long line or anything. You needn't even be 18 to register. Needn't even be a Republican, Democrat or Independent. You can decide when you get there. Besides, after you decide and after a piece of pie you can change again. We are not talking deep convictions here. For all anybody cares, a body can even stick up a finger for Ross Perot.
And, please, the eyes of the whole world are on this come-as-you-are operation, where the next president of the United States of America can be picked by a show of hands?{...}
But wait, there's more...
{...}Hey, this incredibly fabulous area is only important because we made it important, not because it is important. Ask what's it really known for and a local might boast, "We're the only state whose name begins with two vowels." Wow-ee! Take that, Ahmadinejad! The whole deal in Iowa is a hustle. It gets this state farm subsidies and fortunes in advertising. With tubloads of volunteers, gurus, journalists and specialists piling in, this translates to hotel rooms, restaurants, drivers. It brings Oprah to the plains and bread to the cornfield.{...}
I repeat: Yeeee-ouch. Can't wait to hear what Russ has to say about this one.
Posted by Kathy at December 12, 2007 12:02 PM | TrackBackYeah, I care what some NYC bimbo thinks of Iowa. Did she even bother to get out of the cab, or did she just drive around town for an hour, go back to the airport & catch the redeye back to the big city?
I'd like to know if she spends all her time clubbing, drinking cosmopolitans with her three best friends (one's a slut, one's a prude, and the other's a fairly levelheaded single mother), buying shoes, and sleeping with a different guy every weekend? Yeah, I know all about how things in NYC work, because I saw a couple of episodes of "Sex in the City" on Aych-Bee-OH.
Posted by: Russ from Winterset at December 12, 2007 01:08 PMPlus, she forgot to list Iowa's other contributions to America. John Wayne, the Hooter's restaurant chain (Ed Droste, one of the founders, went to ISU), GoMaCo concrete paving machines, that woman who does the voice for Mrs. Crabapple on the Simpsons, Johnny Carson (born in Corning), Glen Miller, Wyatt Earp (born down by Pella), the fax machine (several important internal parts developed through research at ISU), one of the chicks from that rap group... you know, the one where one of their bandmates burned down Andre Risen's house back when they were dating...TLC? I dunno.
Anyway, we're just a LITTLE more than corn & hogs here in Iowa.
(we raise cattle & soybeans too!)
Posted by: Russ from Winterset at December 12, 2007 01:13 PMDear Santa,
All I want for Christmas is for that bitch to be delivered a huge, honking dose of humility. Preferably in public. And on camera.
Please Santa. I've been a good girl all year.
Give Rudolph a kiss for me,
Margi
Oh, I almost forgot. Marc Bolan, the guitarist for T.Rex ("Get it on, Bang a Gong, Get it on!") is from Sioux City, and Bo Ramsey, the greatest musician working, other than Richard Thompson, is based out of the Iowa City area. Plus Mamie Eisenhower grew up in Boone, Professor Anasatoff from ISU invented the first digital computer, and Gary Kroger & "Elaine" from Seinfeld went to the University of Northern Iowa back in the 70's.
Posted by: Russ from Winterset at December 12, 2007 08:27 PMIt is ignorant twits like this and their supercilious arrogance, their easy dismissals of anything in fly-over country, that really push my buttons.
Straight up: She's an ignorant bitch. I don't just want her humiliated publically, I want her hungry.
That's right, honey. A whole heck of a lot of the food you eat comes from flyover country. Sure, some dairy products are made in New York, and California is big in agriculture, but if it is bread or meat you want that's what we got.
Not making a lot of that kind of thing in Manhattan, are ya?
So, sweetie pie, next time I would suggest you open your mouth a bit wider because the heel on your jimmy choos needs a little more clearance.
Posted by: Phoenix at December 13, 2007 12:17 PMWell, that settles it. If I ever get crazy enough to run for the Presidency, Phoenix gets to be my JCS Chairwoman. Well played.
Posted by: Russ from Winterset at December 13, 2007 03:27 PM