Here's an interesting social conundrum that has raised its head recently:
We used to have some fairly close friends, a guy who worked in same firm as me and his wife. This friendship got to the level of sometimes going on vacations together, being invited to family events like weddings and birthdays, that sort of thing.
We had always had opposing political views, they being Chevy Chase Donks and us being Virginny Republicans, but none of us was especially political and the topic simply never got discussed. At least until 2000. When Bush got elected, my friend started tossing little jabs - sending email jokes and the like. I either ignored them altogether or responded off-handedly.
Eventually, our friends moved across country. They came back to Dee Cee every now and again and we visited with them when we could.
Things stayed at about the same level, viz a viz the politics until about 2003 and the invasion of Iraq. Suddenly, the level of political commentary from my friend changed from gentle banter to outright attack. This culminated in a full-blown rant about the Bush Administration in 2004 (and about my job), when we met for lunch one day in Dee Cee with our children in tow.
I don't have much patience for this kind of behavior, so after this outburst I simply cut contact with these people. We have (I think) traded holiday cards since then, but nothing else.
Well, the other day we got a phone message: they're moving back to Dee Cee. It seems we have several options in dealing with this and I'm not sure which one to choose. Do we:
- ignore them altogether?
- welcome them back as if nothing had happened?
- welcome them back but preemptively explain we couldn't be friends if they (he) are going to keep up the political screeding?
- welcome them back and wait to see if/when the politics start up again before issueing said explanation?
Personally, I'm rather ambivalent. I can see being friendly, but things have grown cold and I'm not going to waste energy heating them back up just to get hectored again. And given the current climate, it's quite conceivable that my friend has got even shriller in his outlook. On the other hand, I'm not even sure they completely understand why we lost contact. I mean, I didn't confront them or anything like that.
We shall see, I guess.
Posted by Robert at September 26, 2006 01:49 PM | TrackBackIf the situation is anything like would happen around the phish bowl, it'll be completely dependent upon what the missus decides. Primarily because if I take one of two approaches: I’ll either successfully ignore someone's screeds or I reduce the arguments to such a childish level that they get frustrated and either snap (and go full outright moon-bat) or give up so the conversations revolve around sports and hooters.
Posted by: phin at September 26, 2006 02:30 PMSince I tend to very NON confrontational, I would just avoid/ignore them. If they don't have a clue why the relationship cooled, they'll never figure it out once you spell it out to them. Plus after their spending time in california, i'd be afraid...very, very AFRAID!!
Posted by: cheri at September 26, 2006 09:21 PMActually a similar situation actually got me started with this whole blogging thing. A friend I went to college with couldn't believe I was a Republican and we had years worth of debates. Sometimes it's fun, but that was a while back. We're still friends, see each other a bit and have given up trying to argue with the each other now since neither of us is going to switch sides anytime soon.
Posted by: jwookie at September 27, 2006 03:42 PMI would say that if you haven't really missed them, you needn't worry too much over re-establishing ties.
I would be too pissed off, were I you. You want to engage me in a political discussion, fine. But don't make it personal, keep a civil tone, and at least have facts to back up your discourse.
However, should you choose to attack me personally (your job in this case) in front of my children, the friendship is over.
I'd tell him to "Suck it up, Buttercup."
But, I'm kind of a bitch.
Posted by: Phoenix at September 28, 2006 11:16 AMYou need a doctrine of preemptive attack on this one: find out where they are moving to and, in the middle of the night, sneak onto their front lawn with a bag of fertilizer (the good stuff, Scotts), and spell out "I Heart Bush" on their front lawn. It won't be noticeable until next spring and their is no way to get rid of it short of sodding for 2-3 years.
I'm talking huge, 20 ft tall letters.
I'm a ruthless bastard that way.
Posted by: Steve the LLamabutcher at October 3, 2006 07:41 AM