Checking In

Well, hello there my devoted Cake Eater Readers. I just wanted to quickly check in with y'all to assure you that I am, indeed, alive and to dump some baggage so I don't wind up scaring the landlord and his new bride with my volume as I yell at the tee vee.

In no particular order, here's what's going on in my head and life:

• The novel is coming along fine, thanks for asking. And, because someone asked, no, I will not be posting excerpts. I want to get paid for this thing and I fail to see how my future publishing company (the first one that offers me a big, fat advance) will take kindly to the notion that what they'd like to charge for is available for free. Sorry, kids, but something tells me you'll live.
• I'm smoking again. I say this not because I want a bunch of comments saying "Oh, Kathy, how could you?" (because, really, I don't want to hear about it at ALL, if you get my drift) but rather to announce that I'm a happier person now that I'm allowing myself some devil weed on occasion. Really and truly, I'm happier. I'm also lighter. My scale is rejoicing, instead of screaming, "GET OFF ME, YOU FAT BITCH!"

  I'm officially calling bullshit on all of those non-smoking advocates who say that, "on average, people only gain five to ten pounds when they quit." Well, beeeeyotches, I gained thirty. At this point it's a crapshoot as to which is worse for my health: the smoking of ultra-light cigarettes or the extra weight. In a perfect world I would have lost weight when I quit, my jeans would have become too big, I would have gone shopping and treated myself to a new smoke-free wardrobe. But I didn't, because I refuse to buy any fat clothes. Which seems to be yet another check mark in the "no good deed goes unpunished" column.

• When you've been away from HTML for two months, but have instead been using Word extensively, it's hard to remember that you have to code in the italics, bold, etc., instead of simply pressing CTRL-I or whatnot.
• So, New Orleans' residents re-elected Ray Nagin as their mayor. Oh, well done people. Well done. I suppose when the choice is between the incompetent and the corrupt, it should be considered a blessing that the incompetent won out, but don't expect the rest of the country to save your bacon the next time it falls into the fire. Seriously. We can only take so much.
• My twenty-one-year-old niece has announced she's getting married this summer. To answer your next question: no, she's not preggers; she is, instead, Mormon. To sweeten the pot: she's also marrying the guy with whom she shared her first kiss. He's twenty-six. And they're both still in school. To say this might be an interesting wedding is somewhat understating things. We're not even sure that our family, heathen Catholics to the last, will be allowed to attend the wedding proper, the Mormons having strict rules about not allowing non-Mormons in their temples.

  These concerns aside, we're all happy for her. It will be wonderful day and we can't wait to be a part of it.

  But, to bitch a bit about the choice of wedding date: have I mentioned she's getting married on the husband's and my wedding anniversary? Yeah. There go any plans we might have had for a romantic getaway. We'll be in Montana instead. Sometimes coming from a big family is a real pain in the ass.

• For another bit of "God, I feel old" news, another nephew is graduating from high school next weekend. He was born when I was a junior in high school. Oy.
• We saw The DaVinci Code this weekend. Why people are so up in arms about this, I still don't know. I'm ashamed that my church is calling for governments to ban it. For the final time: IT'S FICTION, PEOPLE. IF YOUR "FAITH" CAN'T HANDLE A CHALLENGE AS WEAK AS THIS ONE, WELL, YOU DON'T REALLY HAVE A LOT OF "FAITH," DO YOU? Call me when there's a REAL theological challenge afoot. Until then, quit your bitching, as it's extremely tiresome.

  Besides that, well, the movie isn't really all that good. Tom Hanks, with his funky hair (I want my curly-haired Hanks back, stat!) has very little to do. Jean Reno and Albert Molina aren't used effectively, either. Paul Bettany pretty much steals the show as Silas, the albino. As does Ian McKellen and Audrey Tautou. Please, don't pay full price to see it. The book is better---for what that's worth.

• In case you hadn't noticed, the Republican party is imploding. The only saving grace in this instance is that the Democrats have nothing worthwhile to offer disaffected voters. If, say, another Bill Clinton came along, we'd be screwed. And deservedly so.
• I would like to thank my pals, Robbo and Steve, for keeping this blog alive while I've been off, doing my thing. I didn't ask them to, but I'm sure glad they took up the challenge. Fortunately, I don't think I'm getting a lot of hits from Steve-o's relentless google chumming, but I've cured myself of compulsively checking the sitemeter, so who the hell knows.

  Also, props to Sadie, and relentless (not so much anymore) commenter and Cake Eater College Basketball correspondent, Russ from Winterset, for their help as well. As a related aside, Russ asked to have a character in the new book named after him. He's getting his wish, too, but not in the way I think he wants.

• It's finally spring here in Minneapolis. Although it was thirty-six when we woke up this morning, but, fortunately, that's far from the norm anymore.
• To Katie MacGuidwin, eCampaign coordinator for Republican National Committee who can be reached at KMacGuidwin@rnchq.org I have a simple message.

  Ahem.

  STOP SPAMMING ME WITH LINKS TO DRUDGE AND INSTAPUNDIT POSTS! Ya freakin' idiot. I've asked you REPEATEDLY to take me off your mailing list. You even apologized for not doing so and promised that it would happen immediately. BUT YOU DIDN'T DO IT. That I've received TWO, count 'em TWO, spams in the meantime is beyond my capacity for politeness.

  Never mind the fact that the links you're spamming me with would have already been read by anybody whose opinion is worth courting. So, dig this, chickie babe: you're not only sending out unsolicited email, but you're sending out LAME, unsolicited email, which is just chock-a-block full of old new---and you're sending it to the most connected group of people to ever exist. Congratulations! I'm sure this is just what the Republican National Committee was hoping for when they created a position to develop good relations with bloggers. Well done! You should be proud!

  Finally, of course you know this means war.

• Have you noticed that all the preggo-blogging has ceased and everyone is now writing about how little sleep they're getting?
• I still don't care about American Idol and, really and truly, all you need to do to have an opinion about who should win is to watch the last five minutes of Tuesday's show, which is when they announce the phone numbers for voting. Seriously. Based on that, I think that Katharine chick is going to win. Chris' loss a few weeks ago sealed her fate. That Taylor dude doesn't have a chance in hell of winning.

  Also, I don't know why everyone says Simon Cowell is so mean. If I were in his spot, well, I'd be a hell of a lot meaner. Because I could be. Trust me on this one.

• In other Tuesday evening tee vee watching, House gets shot tomorrow night! How sweet is that! Can't wait!
• Al Gore needs to catstrated with a single toothpick for foisting more of that bullshit global warming crap on us. Although, he'd probably think that that would be too quick an end. Or at least that's what his monontone rambling would seem to insinuate.

And that should do it, kids. Have a wonderful day, week, and month. I'll be back when I'm back.