All The Things I'm Tired Of

In no particular order:

• If Washington D.C. is such a cesspool of graft and sleaze, well, isn't it about time the American people fessed up to their part in creating said cesspool?

  We want to be lied to. We like it. We're codependent as an electorate. We want to have our cake---and we not only want to eat it, we want to lick the platter it came on and then demand some more, and when the cake doesn't come out exactly as we want it, even if we were too busy reading Asian lesbian pr0n to be interested whent the cake was just a thought, well, THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT AND THERE OUGHT TO BE AN INVESTIGATION! Then, on the other hand, we want someone to tell us that we're eating too much cake and to take it away from us because otherwise we'll get fat. This is called "The Theory of Divided Government," and it is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. Really and truly. It would be one thing if there was one party in the White House and one party in charge of Congress, but there isn't---we have one party in charge of the whole shebang right now and THEY'RE ACTING LIKE THEY'RE NOT FROM THE SAME PARTY! It's stupid. Absolutely stupid.

  I'm tired of it. If consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds, what then, precisely, is inconsistency? You'll notice no one ever continues that particular thought, do they, my devoted Cake Eater readers, because that would implicate them as part of the problem, wouldn't it? And of course they're not part of the problem. They're the solution. They know all and goddamn if they aren't going to tell you about it until your ears bleed.

• I'm tired of ABC's constant re-running of the damn Lost pilot. WE KNOW THE GODDAMNED PLANE CRASHED ALREADY! Good grief, people, give us new stuff. That's your job!
• I'm also tired of American Idol preempting House. But it looks like I won't have much to bitch about on that one anymore.
• I'm tired of watching my country be abused by others who want our money, influence and protection, but who assume that we should just shut up and let them run things because, of course, they know better than we do.
• I'm tired of working out all the time and not yet being 120 pounds and a perfect size six.
• I'm tired of the idiots on Fox. I can take Shep Smith, Neil Cavuto and Brit Hume---and that's it. The rest of y'all are a bunch of flaming idiots who haven't the good sense to hire a producer who will whisper sweet nothings in your ear and make it sound like it's your own words. You're the biggest bunch of fakers I've ever seen---and that's saying something because I've chosen you lot over CNN! In particular I cannot stand the dorks on Fox and Friends and tweedledumb and his blond bimbo on Dayside. Oy. If I have to hear the phrase "Well, people seem to be really interested in this," as a justification for covering that dumb dog Vivi's adventures around Queens, I'm going to hurt someone
• I'm tired of hearing about this Barry Bonds deal. The guy's a cheater. We knew this a while ago.
• I'm tired of the the oh-gee-gosh-golly! surprise at the coming American isolationism by the same crew who's been bitching about how dumb America is, how stupid our president is, how idiotic we are not to recognize the genius of Kyoto, etc.

  You people have made it ABUNDANTLY clear that you don't like Americans, or anything we stand for or what we do to support our values or protect our interests. Why on earth do you think that certain sections of the American population and economy wouldn't take your message to heart and act to make sure you don't ever have to deal with another American ever again? If the isolationists take over, well, it will be your fault. You reap what you sow.

• I'm tired of winter. It's March 23rd. I want the snow to be gone. I want the grass to start turning green. I want warm breezes that come from the south, instead of cold air coming in from Canada.
• I'm tired of the thought that people want to build a goddamn wall to keep illegals out. I find this offensive. Why do I find it offensive? Because it's the twenty-first century and we're resorting to B.C. tactics. We should have evolved beyond what the Chinese did to keep out the Mongol hordes or what the Romans did to protect against the Celts, don't you think? A wall. That will undoubtedly be scaled or tunnelled.

  A wall that won't do anything to actually solve the problem of WHY Mexicans want to cross the border, but will only force the illegals to find another way to get across. Which doesn't solve the problem, but rather makes it someone else's problem.

  As the noted philosopher John McClane once said: "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. Stop being a part of the @#@@ing problem!"
  

• I'm tired of Brokeback Mountain jokes. Really, people. It's just gay cowboys. Get over it, already.

Ok, I feel better now. If you're in need of a vent, throw your own "I'm Tired Of's" in the comments.