Iowa State just lost to Oklahoma State in the first round of the tournament. This could get interesting. Some of the best stories we've got about tournament antics occured during years when we lost early. We're here until Sunday, and we're either going to sit in the room and play quarters all day, or go barhopping. Gilley's is on the menu for tomorrow night, and Saturday night might require another trip to Gilley's, since Asleep At The Wheel is playing there and I've never seen them live.
Want details? Take the jump.
I flew into Dallas from Kansas City last night, and hooked up with two guys who flew in from Saginaw and Minneapolis. Our flight had some turbulence, but to me it wasn't more than a fast drive down a potholed street. I guess the guy sitting behind Billy Iowa on the flight from Saginaw blew chunks when they hit turbulence. Chief flew in from Minneapolis with his wife & kids, and they're staying with her brother's family while the Chief has a little "guy time". Maximum had his flight from Denver delayed about 4-5 hours, and he had to sit buckled into that un-airconditioned metal tube the whole time. Ugh. He finally got to our hotel about 10:30, and we drank a few more beers then headed out to the West End bars at about 11:30. Our cabbie immediately told us that "the West End bars are all lame on Wednesday night", and he suggested a local gentleman's club instead. He gave us "free" tickets for admission, saving us $20, and we went along.
When we got there, I knew we were a LITTLE out of place. It was a "Penthouse" club, and there were a bunch of Lexi and Hummers parked there along with the usual limos. We signed up for "temporary memberships" at the front desk, and proceeded in. The cabbie had told us "the place is a bar, a sports bar, and a gentleman's club all in one", but their only concession to a sports bar was two big-screens. One was playing a soccer game (doesn't Beckham play for Madrid now? I remember seeing him on screen) and the other was tuned to ESPN. Of course, for some strange reason there weren't a lot of people watching the screens.
My plan was to lie low and take in all the scenery without spending all my damn money, but the trouble was that most of my cash was still in my suitcase back at the hotel. I had $45, and about $4 worth of quarters on me, which should have covered my night, but unfortunately I'm not familiar with Dallas Math. Using Dallas Math, a bottle of Shiner and three Coronas (I love those guys, but I swear to god they drink like a cross between high school girls and frat boy wannabes) add up to TWENTY EIGHT DOLLARS plus gratuity! OK, that's not so bad, but I'm an innocent small town boy who likes to stretch my dollars as much as possible. I bought the first round, and figured that I'd be set if we only had 5 or 6 rounds. Big mistake. I turned down several lap dance offers politely, but I finally relented when one of them offered me a backrub instead. Hey, it's a backrub. Wouldn't that be like going to a topless chiropractor who plays Limp Bizkit and techno music while you're getting adjusted? Well, that's how I look at it anyway.
After my backrub (fully clothed backrub while I'm sitting at the table, so no interesting details to report) was finished, I realized that the going rate is $20, which means that I've got to mooch five bucks from Billy Iowa. He'll remind me of this all weekend, I just know it. Billy had his own entertainer to talk to while I was trying to stay incognito with my broke self in the corner. A dancer came over & plopped down in his lap (we give Bill crap about looking like one of the Baldwin brothers so he's usually a stripper magnet), and he started dropping Ron Burgandy quotes on her. Turns out that she's a big Anchorman fan too, so she starts quoting stuff right back at him. She was pretty funny, and she had the line of the week too.
When we asked her about what goes on up on the second floor, which is the "VIP" area, she said "Less work and more money".
That's funny on so many levels.