October 13, 2005

Is Any Sex Good Sex?

And with that illustrious title it should, indeed, be obvious that we have arrived at yet another Thursday and it's time for the Demystifying Divas and the Marvelous Men's Club to tackle yet another hard hitting topic. This week's entry is a three-parter: Do men always have good sex? What about women---do they have good sex? Who/what determines if the sex was, indeed, good?

As you can see, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, I have my work cut out for me.

As to the first question, do men always have good sex, I will refer you to the extensive research I conducted so I would be able to answer this question for you. Yes. That's right. I'm all about the demystifying. So I went and asked my usual source---the husband---and here's what he had to say. Ahem.

Sex is like pizza. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, well, it's still pretty good.

Deep, no?

This brings us to our second question: do women have good sex? Well, of course they do. Like, duh. It's just different for women. Men have good sex each and every time because they climax each and every time. Most women do not climax each and every time they have intercourse. We have different physiologies and I don't see where we're doing anyone any favors by pretending otherwise. One is a Fiat Panda and the other is a Volvo Estate Car. That is just the nature of the beast. And anyone who tries to tell you differently is ignoring the facts of life. Women are different from men, and THANK GOD for it. Vive la difference, I believe is what the cheese eating surrender monkeys call it, but we'll keep the French bashing to a minimum today. Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes, the differences between men and women. I believe we should glorify those differences. Furthermore, I think we should just learn to accept that things are different. To do otherwise is to miss a lot of the really good stuff that happens, with or without a climax in attendance.

Which, then brings us to our third question: who/what determines if the sex was, indeed, good? Tricky, no? I believe the difference is in how you measure what "good sex" is. Because men and women are going to have different bench marks as to what, precisely, is good sex. If one wanted to search for a ridiculous metaphor to describe this phenomenon without gettting too down and dirty, one could say that men used the metric system to measure good sex. It's a logical choice for men---who are overly fond of logic---to use: the metric system is a base ten system; there aren't any inconvenient conversions that need to be made; it's a safe, solid system that is used by the majority of the world's population to describe things. Why the heck shouldn't men use the metric system? By Golly, everyone should use it! is, I believe, what they would think.

Women, on the other hand, in this world of ridiculous metaphors, would use the English system of measurements. We like inches, feet, yards, and other obscure measurements that have come down through the ages. We like the tales that are told about these measurements. We enjoy all of the arcane historical data that comes with them. And we don't really understand, it seems, why other people would want it any other way.

The key to succcess in the sack is for each partner to learn the other's conversion charts. It's quite simple.

Now, if any of that makes ANY sense at all to you, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, well, you're two steps ahead of me. So I will now say "SHOOO!"in a big booming voice and direct you to Silk and Phoenix for their take on the matter at hand. Chrissy, in a curious change of pace, is posting on last week's topic. For the testosterone-laden take, run along and see what Phin, Stiggy, The Naked Villains, Jamesy and That 1 Guy have to say.

Posted by Kathy at October 13, 2005 11:06 AM | TrackBack

Being a guy, let me just say I've had bad sex. Why guys won't admit that is beyond me.

Posted by: Contagion at October 13, 2005 12:21 PM

Heh. I think The Husband is being politic rather than scientific. It's a very nice gesture, tho.

From what I've read so far, the Air Minister over at Naked Villiany pegs the unvarnished male answer.

Posted by: Robert the Llama Butcher at October 13, 2005 12:41 PM

You're married to Woody Allen?

Posted by: Sadie at October 13, 2005 01:25 PM

I think the minimum for good sex is that your lover is enjoying it too.

Posted by: Uncle Ben at October 13, 2005 09:39 PM

It takes a big effort from both people. You also have to work on it. If everything is done correct and both of you take your time and try the damnest to fulfill each of you, then you have GREAT sex, Cat

Posted by: catfish at October 14, 2005 08:24 AM

Catfish, that sounds like making something that should be an enjoyment an awful lot of work.

Yes, the pizza line is easy and always available, but to be honest, if the sex ever actually IS bad for a guy, then it's quite obvious that someone has the wrong expectations of what the relationship, or the act, is supposed to be.

Drop all expectations and the sex will be what it is: an act of love, an act of pleasure, or an indicator that something's not compatible.

(By the way, the acts of love and of pleasure referred to above are NOT mutually exclusive. A physical act of love transcends and includes the act of pleasure. :) have a good weekend trying that one out. )

Posted by: MRN aka "The Husband" at October 14, 2005 12:14 PM

My worst "Bad Sex" was with a new girlfriend. I had to fantasize about my old girlfriend to complete the act. Here is your answer. When "Bad Sex' is truly bad... you don't want to have sex with that person ever again. For a guy to do that... it has to be pretty pretty bad.

Posted by: Troll at October 14, 2005 03:42 PM
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