Because I'm All About Free PR*

So, this is the press release I mentioned in this post from yesterday. I decided to give them the free pr anyway. "What the hay," I said to myself, as I good naturedly shrugged my shoulders. "I'm going to be nice and maybe I'll get a free mug or something out of the deal."

Ninth Circle of Hell, MN – The Krinkie for Congress Campaign released its third quarter fundraising numbers today showing its direct marketing campaign hit up at least 1000 individuals who had neither Caller ID or sufficient enough wit to say, "Hola? No habla Ingles," when they answered the phone. The campaign also reported that they had "bou-cou bucks" stashed in a grocery bag in the campaign office. They will use this cash to buy their way into the House of Representatives so they "can smush the little people." Any remaining funds have been earmarked to pay for a truckload of ice cream sandwiches to be delivered to the campaign office on election night, as a "thank you for all your hard work, now eat yourselves into Type II Diabetes because you're not going to Dee Cee" present. The campaign organization and fundraising successes are clear signs of the snail's pace momentum of the campaign as the Republican Party’s most unknown candidate in the race, but hey, when you're running against Michele Bachmann, well, you know, you don't really have to do much to get your name in the paper, ya dig? You'll always get a mention as her primary opponent, if nothing else, because that chick gets press ya dig? Hence, really there's no need for us to be calling attention to ourselves and our fundraising habits in this shameless way, but hey, we're actually shameless so why the heck shouldn't we?

“Whether it is the level of support the campaign has received among Phil’s fellow Republican activists, or the successes this campaign has had attracting financial support, it demonstrates he’s the most unknown, candidate,” said campaign Finance Director Linda Runbeck, who is also the head of our Lackey Department and an email spammer of some note. “To be able to garner this level of support in just seven short months is a testament to the level of cluelessness that our supporters have demonstrated on the whole. More importantly, it is a testament to their confidence that Phil will bring our shared vision of serious pork for the I-94 corridor in Maple Grove, a serious intent for keeping those darned Mexicans in Mexico, and making sure plenty of time is wasted on fruitless amendments to the Constitution defining marriage as "a union between a man and a woman." Because, like the Barenaked Ladies, "we're all about values."

Please contact our campaign office if you'd like to interview our candidate or, better yet, his staffers. We can make our candidate (or ourselves) available for any sort of PR grubbing event you have in mind. We're not picky. Really, we're not.

*take the jump

*If a member of the Krinkie for Congress staff makes it to this post, please realize this is a parody; a work of satire designed to get one simple point across. If you are clueless as to just what point I'm trying to get across, you should click on the link at the beginning of this post. Sorry to have made an example of you, but damn, it's not like I didn't give you politicos enough warning.

Have a nice day.

Posted by Kathy at October 4, 2005 02:00 PM | TrackBack