Proof Positive!

I have long harbored an animus toward women who deign to use public restrooms, but who simultaneously refuse to slap their fat asses down on the seat when they use them. These women "hover" above the toilet whilst doing their business and in the process splatter all over the seat they wouldn't deign to touch with their butt cheeks. Hence, they filthify it for the rest of us. These women, of course, can't be bothered to wipe up their mess. Which, of course, is disgusting.

The bitches.

The reasoning these hoverers always use is that "they could catch something." I think this is ridiculous. The average public restroom, unless it really is nasty, is cleaned more often than your bathroom at home. At some places it's cleaned several times a day. While I will admit there are shining examples of nasty restrooms everywhere, most are clean. What pisses me off is when you have a perfectly clean bathroom that becomes fit only for swine once these women get done. If the bathroom wasn't nasty before they got there, it sure as hell is when they're done.

But no one ever believes me when I tell them they should just sit down and do their business. Today is my day of sweet revenge. Because I have proof!

Ah-freakin'-ha!

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Have you ever wondered why your teeth chatter when you're cold, or if you could really catch a disease from sitting on a toilet seat?

New York physician Billy Goldberg, pestered by unusual questions at cocktail parties and other social gatherings over the years, puts the public's mind at ease in his book "Why Do Men Have Nipples?" which hits the book stores on Tuesday.

"It's really remarkable how often you get accosted," said Goldberg, 39. "There are the medical questions from family and friends, and then there are the drunk and outrageous questions where somebody wants to drop their pants and show you a rash or something."

{...}During the course of their research, Goldberg and Leyner found reports of gonorrhea, pinworm and roundworm found on toilet seats -- but catching something from it isn't common.

The authors discovered that an office setting might be worse for your health than toilet seats. Charles Gerba, a microbiologist at the University of Arizona, found the typical office desk harbors some 400 times more disease-causing bacteria than the average toilet seat.{...}

{my emphasis}

Get that? Your desk is nastier than the average toilet seat, so, for the love of all that is good and holy, beeeyotches, slap your fat asses down on the seat and tinkle!

You will make me much happier by doing this than when you leave a mess for me to clean up.

The world, and I, thank you for your efforts in this matter.

Posted by Kathy at August 3, 2005 02:09 PM | TrackBack