Is there anything better than a camp song in the summertime? I didn't think so. Remind me sometime to write out the words to "Magalena Hagalena" one day. I still have that sucker rolling around in my head.
Anyway...
Good Morning Ladies and Gents. It is, of course, Thursday, which means it's Demystifying Divas Day. Our topic this week: the best ways to avoid rejection and to deal with it.
Ahhh. The joys of dating. Another reason why I'm very glad I'm not single. I've often told Mr. H., after listening to his stories of singleton life, that I am ever so thankful I'll never have to deal with the dating world EVER again. And other than the fact that men, apparently, expect different things in bed these days than they did when I was single, rejection is the main reason I don't ever want to be single again.
Because it's not fun, is it? Someone judging you by some completely arbitrary set of standards that you, upon first or second glance, do not meet. I got this a lot when I was single. You want to know the main reason men did not flit my way? The fact that I'm nearsighted and wear glasses. Yep. They're really that shallow. Until their own set of spectacles---ones that magically appeared after a few pitchers of beer---got slapped on. Then, evidently, men really do make passes at women who wear glasses. Then I was fair game.
Now, I moaned and whined about this a bit to my friends and they offered a simple solution: get contacts. No one can see your eyes with those things they said. You look so much better without them they said. Ok, that's fine and dandy. I do look better without them. But, and herein lies the problem: I can't bloody well see without them. I need them. And, at that point in time, with the astigmatism in my left eye, contacts would not have been fun. (Hard lenses---yeesh!) Besides, I have this thing about sticking my finger into my eye. That's gross. So, I decided I'd just have to learn how to deal with the rejection. Because the rejection was plentiful. But there were times when I wasn't rejected because I was nearsighted. There were times when I was walked home by a guy whom I considered to be nice, friendly, and attractive...
...and there were times when I dished out my own form of rejection.
There's this thing that some guys did that drove me absolutely insane and I had a rule about it: if you, a man, decided to take my glasses off when you moved in for the goodnight kiss, you would automatically be rejected. Some guys thought removing my glasses was romantic, that this is what Bogie did in the movies---instant makeover time---so, of course, I would appreciate it. BZZZZZZZZZZT! Wrong! What parting gifts do we have for contestant number one, Bob? Well, we've got a long, lonely walk home without having received a damn thing, Fred! See, the thing is, these guys did not realize they were BLINDING me. They were putting me in a position where I had to trust them, quite literally, with my life and limb right off the bat. So, I generally grabbed my glasses right out of their hands and walked myself home. I didn't feel the need to explain. It was obvious I wasn't good enough, as I was, to them because they removed the one thing I'm very much dependent upon in this lifetime. For me it was the equivalent of taking a wheelchair away from someone who is handicapped, and telling them they'd be ever so much more attractive if only they weren't stuck in that silly chair! Would you want to be with someone who did that to you? I didn't think so.
And therein lies the solution---for lack of a better term---to rejection: for every person that rejects you, you're going to reject someone else. It all comes out in the wash. Hence, I don't think you can go out, looking for a potential mate, thinking if you've got everything under control, no one will reject you. There is always going to be something about you that does not ring right with someone else. Sometimes you will be rejected because you deserve to be rejected (like if you have a big hunk of spinach stuck in your teeth, or you have really bad breath or b.o.) sometimes, you'll be rejected for no particular reason that you can ascertain other than that, apparently, you didn't fit someone's idea of a dream companion. Once you take that into account, and adjust yourself to the idea, well, it makes it a. very easy to find the people with whom you'll probably get along and b. it doesn't sting so very much when you are rejected.
And that's all there is, folks. Now run along and see what the other Oh-So-Fine Demystifying Divas have on offer this morning. The blog kid is up at bat in the Guest Diva game today, so make sure to go over and read what Phoenix has to say. Then, when you're done with that, well, flip the coin and see what the Marvy Men's Club---comprised of Stiggy, Phin, The Wiz, and Our Beloved Maximum Leader---have coughed up.
Posted by Kathy at July 14, 2005 09:48 AM | TrackBack