On Rhetoric

Socrates always called rhetoric one of the "flattering arts," but of course, he is often considered to be the godfather of rhetoric. In law school, the professors aspire to employ the "Socratic method" of lecturing to the masses of frightened students. Generally, this is effective on the first-year students, who are eager to please and often quite intimidated when presented with the following sobering statistic:

Look to the students seated on your left and right sides. Don't get to know them too well, because at this point next year, one of you will be history.

Flunk-o.

Of course, this sends all the neophytes into a tailspin of round-the-clock studying for the next ten months. By virtue of hard work, intelligence, and let's face it, pure luck, two-thirds of them manage to wade through the Socratic obstacle course and return to finish law school. Of course, those who return become a part of the tradition, as they have realized that the Socratic method is essentially a very lazy-ass way of teaching. Two years later, these students graduate - and they are dangerous.

Bestowed with this newfound knowledge as power, I must now reflect upon my favourite answers to unexpected questions, courtesy of a few great oralists:

1. It depends...could you clarify your position so that I may provide a more accurate answer for you?

2. That could go either way, really....[insert some bullshit followup phrase similar to above]

3. Interesting thought there, freako. You got anything to back that up?

4. That is a valid question, but unfortunately, I am far to busy to answer it for you. Why don't you research that issue and let me know what you come up with? Indeed, I am very interested in the conclusion and all its resulting implications, but analyzing the problem yourself will benefit you far more in the long run. Oh, and when I said was too busy, I also meant that my time is more important than yours.

Ah yes, this will go far in the courtroom, indeed.

Posted by Sadie at May 27, 2005 03:15 PM