A Kiss on the Hand Might Be Quite Continental...

Another Tuesday, another topic for the Demystifying Divas and the Marvy Men's Club. Today's topic: women and their love of jewelry.

(You'll need to click on the image to actually be able to read it.)

And do women ever love jewelry. In my humble opinion, there are very few exceptions to this rule. Even if some women don't opt for the all the flash a professional, Certified Gemologist-employing jeweler can provide, they still wear a chain around their neck, a ring or two on their fingers, and earrings. The question, to my mind, would be why? The reason I ask this question is because I don't think most women have stopped to think about why they wear all this stuff.

Jewelry is such an automatic thing for most women. I know it is for me. I don't have my ears pierced, so I rarely worry about earrings, and when I do, well, I can't find any that I like because the clips you find in department stores are not designed with my demographic in mind. I don't wear anything around my neck mainly because chains and I do not, for the most part, get along. But I always wear my wedding ring, my watch, and a bracelet the husband bought me in Kuwait that I'm particularly fond of. I believe this throws me in the "low maintenence" section of the jewelry department, but even I am susceptible to the thrills of all things sparkly.

I don't know what that's all about, either. I'm not a jewelry hound. Never have been, never will be. I suspect you'll never find me draped, head to toe, in diamonds at any point in my life. Even knowing this, I still cannot stop myself from looking at the sparklies on display. I just can't. My friends are the same way. In the past, I have compared this susceptibility in women to oooh and aaaah at the offerings in a display window to men's fascination with women's breasts: in either situation, we can't really help ourselves when it comes to looking. Heterosexual men, always, always, always, look. They cannot help themselves. I think it's hardwired. When they're younger, they stare and gape and generally act like it's the first time they've seen a pair of boobs. But when they get older, the better they get at looking surreptitiously. The open-mouthed staring becomes a quick glance downwards that you might easily miss if you're not paying attention. They might not have any need to look; they might be happily married to their wives, whom they adore, but they still look. It's the same with me and jewelry. I have no need for more jewelry, but I still look.

But I don't feel the need to be sneaky about it.

Case in point: when the husband, Mr. H and I were in San Francisco and were walking around the high-end shopping district that is Union Square, we passed a few jewelry stores along the way. We'd be walking along, minding our own business, enjoying the city, and then---whammo! We'd pass a window with diamonds and pearls on display and I'd stop to stare. The boys would keep walking until they realized I was no longer with them, and then they'd come back to see what I was gazing at. The husband didn't mind my behavior: he was used to it. It was Mr. H. who was surprised with me. He knew I didn't ever really want more jewelry, and that I wouldn't probably wear it if I had it, so he didn't understand the fascination with the stuff. I couldn't explain it to him. It's just that it was pretty, it caught my eye and I wanted to look at it. It was particularly bad when we got over to Chinatown, because there was an amazing wealth of goods on display, and they, unlike the pricey shops over in Union Square, had stuff I could actually afford to buy.

I cannot imagine what it would be like to walk into a jewelry store and say, "May I please look at that bracelet? And that ring..." with the actual intention of buying. Looking is one thing that I like, but actually laying down cold hard cash for something, that in reality isn't all that rare? You do know that, right? That diamonds aren't rare at all? Well, you do now. You can walk down a creekbed in South Africa and the pebbles you would feel crunching under the soles of your shoes would not be pebbles at all but rather diamonds. Uncut and unpolished diamonds, but diamonds nonetheless. The only reason diamonds are an expensive quantity is because of an Englishman named Cecil Rhodes, who not only went on to found Rhodesia (now Zambia and Zimbabwe), but also DeBeers. You see, Cecil, and the men who followed him, through some seriously ruthless business practices, created a monopoly for DeBeers. Through this monopoly they were able to keep prices high for something that is not rare at all. You should have seen the look on my sister-in-law's face the first time I told her this: a world-reknowned jewelry hound, she looked like she was about ready to burst out in tears. My brother, her husband, however had a different look on his face: I think the phrase "abject fury" would describe it quite well.

And that, I believe, gives us a clue as to why some women drape themselves in sparklies: it shows off how well they---or their husbands---are doing in the world, financially speaking. Sure, when you're younger, jewelry is about decoration. It's about it being pretty and nothing else. Yet, once you get to a certain point in life, jewelry takes on more meaning than simple decoration. This is how you judge people. Is this shallow? You bet it is. But is it any more shallow to judge someone based on what handbag they carry, what clothes they wear, what car they drive? Nope. It's just one more benchmark we have to use to decide about people without actually having to ask them a thing.

My sister-in-law, sensing a threat to her world, and how she judged the people therein, God Bless Her, blocked out the information I'd related to her. (That is if, of course, if she remembered it, all of us being somewhat inebriated at the time of telling.) I don't think my brother really had a choice in the matter, this not being information that would serve him well in his negotiations at Borsheims.

But anyway, don't take my word for it: go and read what our other Daring Demystifying Divas have to say on the matter. And, because five is always better than four, make sure to check out what my lovely blog child, and Divaesque Lady, Phoenix of Villains Vanquished has to add to the conversation.

As far as The Men's Club is concerned, well, I'm afraid I have good news and bad news. The bad is that Zonker has decided to frame his membership badge and hang it up on the wall because he's got too much work going on at the present moment. We will miss him. The good, however, is that the wonderful Villains over at Naked Villainy have decided to jump into the testosterone pool that is The Men's Club. So, make sure to go over and read what our Maximum Leader has to say, while also checking out Phin, and Puffy. The Wiz was called off on a muy importanto business trip at the last minute yesterday, so I will update when he gets around to posting about this topic.

Posted by Kathy at May 17, 2005 01:33 PM