The Morning After

We have another juicy Demystifying Diva topic for you this fine Tuesday: Do men respect a woman who goes to bed with them too quickly?

At a guess, I would have to say, no, they don't.

I have a lot of reasons for holding this view. First, I've seen how men treat women the morning after. They slink out in the morning, uttering promises of "I'll call you," and then they disappear, sliding off the end of the earth, never to be heard from again. Ironically enough, however, these men never have an issue with turning away what's offered them. This goes back, of course, to the whole "madonna/whore" complex that men are soooo enraptured of, in essence saying to the world, we like women who go to bed with us and who make it easy for us by going quickly, but we'll never have anything to do with them because what they just did disqualified them for wifedom and motherhood.. Of course, none of this mattters if you're Samantha Jones: she doesn't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of her, let alone the men she partners with. But most of us aren't Samantha Jones. We women are, perhaps, sometimes too eager to please, hence we make mistakes in the meantime, not fully understanding the nature of the male beast.

Which brings me to my second point about men not respecting women who jump into the sack too quickly: men are all about the chase. Hence the label "easy" is attached to a woman who gives it up too quickly. "Easy," in this situation is a loaded connotation, but at it's base level, it means, well, easy. It wasn't a hard thing to achieve, hence they don't have respect for a person who made it easy for them. No matter how much men whine about some woman leading them around by the nose and "playing hard to get," it's been my experience that they really do love it. They enjoy it because they're all about the chase.

Of course, the chase does, at times, gets boring. They want to settle down. They want to raise a family. Yet, when they do get around to this, the most likely candidate for the job will be someone who has led them on that merry chase. They will have earned her. They will have fought the battle and, after much blood has been spilled and many entrails have been gutted, they will declare victory---and the victory wouldn't be nearly as sweet if it was easy.

In conclusion, respect, as it is so often said, must be earned. If a woman wants to be respected by men, she will earn said respect by keeping her knees locked and scooting into her house after the good-night kiss. "Earning" whatever you want to earn is not something that one generally achieved overnight. It takes time to earn a paycheck. Why should earning respect be any different? It's all about what you value, and if you value respect, you will earn it, because at the same time you're learning if you can respect the object of your affection.

Because, after all, you wouldn't want him to be too easy, would you?

Now, go and read what the other Delightful Demystifying Divas have written on the same topic.

For the male perspective, you will want to go and read what Athos and Aramis have to say. Porthos and D'Artangan were out drinking and wenching last night, so when they've cleared themselves of their hangovers, I'll update.

There was something else...what was it? Oh, that's right! WE NEED QUESTIONS! Our beloved Sadie will be answering questions for Divassez on Friday. Fill up the inbox---you can clickie on the Demystifying Divas button on the right to get the address. (And don't look at me---the husband is responsible for that one! Must become more technologically adept. Must become more technologically adept.)

UPDATE: Porthos and D'Artangnan, saucy little French souls that they are, have recovered from their hangovers and have chimed in.

Posted by Kathy at March 29, 2005 10:01 AM