Frosty Goodness

Last week when I was guesting over at the Butchers Shop, I made a new friend with these posts. When I told Russ to have a beer for me at Kelly's, being the good guy he is, he obliged.

I didn't expect the beer to actually, you know, make the rounds of the greater Kansas City and Winterset, Iowa metropolitan areas. But it did. My beer, apparently, was a bit of a floozy, and an underage floozy at that, being no older than three months! Getting into cars with men it didn't know, going back to hotel rooms, taunting Oklahoma spirit displays at the Embassy Suites, crossing state lines, making friends with snacks that are bad for you, etc.

Bad, bad beer. You're going to get a reputation!

Generally, when a beer's reputation is on the line, it's because of rumors. Unfortunately, there are no rumors this time around. There's proof. I present to you, my devoted Cake Eater readers, The Flooziness of the Beer.

Can you say "jailbait?"

BOOMER SOONER, BOOMER SOONER, BOOMER SOONER! If there are any other words in the Oklahoma fight song than "Boomer Sooner" my beer doesn't know them. Plus, my beer was drunk at the time, so she really can't be expected to know it anyway.

My beer crosses state lines with snacks in tow. My beer apparently did her best to look over eighteen. Russ isn't in jail right now, so she must have done a bang up job.

This is where my beer apparently told Russ to stop the car. She got out and did her best impersonation-of Meryl Streep-impersonating-an-Italian-woman in front of the bridge, while saying, And in that moment, everything I knew to be true about myself up until then was gone. I was acting like another woman, yet I was more myself than ever before. Or some such bullshit. It could have been, Clint, you're a bastard for foisting a movie made from that piece-of-excrement-masquerading-as-a-novel on all of us..

Of course, she would have dropped the Meryl Streep impersonation if she had said that. Because she's my beer, and she knows I have certain expectations for behavior.

Of course a trip to Winterset wouldn't be complete without going to see The Duke's birthplace. I can only imagine what my beer, being the floozy that she is, did here. Really, I don't want to know.

According to Russ, my beer really is a nice beer, with lots of hops flavor, and she "does NOT have an annoying fake British accent like that damn Travelocity gnome." Which is good to know, because I have no idea why my beer would have an English accent, being a flower of the midwest. My beer, reportedly, is heading to the Spring Game in Ames next month and might make her floozy-ish way elsewhere in the meantime.

We shall see what we shall see.

Posted by Kathy at March 16, 2005 11:44 PM