What Do Women Want?

The Demystifying Divas are nothing if not ambitious. We tackle the hard topics, so you don't have to! (Well, except for when we get overwhelmed by life and take a week off, but hey...we're DIVAS, we're allowed that sort of behavior. Just call us the Maria Callas Four!) Today's topic again---because I adore repeating myself---is what women want.

In the movie Singles, Janet, played by Bridget Fonda, has a chat with Campbell Scott's Steve, wherein she lists out all the things she used to want in a man, but she's gotten older and has narrowed it down to just one thing:

I just want someone to say "Bless You" when I sneeze.

I think it's honestly that simple. It's not about what you want, because no guy is ever going to live up to that. It's about what you can't live without. I can't live without multiple "bless you's" because I'm one of those people who sneezes three times at a shot. If the husband wasn't constantly saying "God Bless You" or "Geseundheit" the Catholic school girl in me would worry that I'm destined for hell because no one cared enough to say "Bless you" after I sneezed three hundred times in one day, which can happen if I have a bad cold. The husband understands this. He understands me.

But until you get to the point where you realize this, that anything other than the least common denominator is gravy a delightful surprise, you have to wean yourself from all the silly ideas you had when you were younger. When I was about sixteen my perfect idea of a man was someone who was successful, drove a 1964 1/2 red Mustang convertible (with the white leather interior), played electric guitar like Stevie Ray Vaughan and rode a white stallion on alternating weekends, using an English saddle, of course. On the other weekends, he would be off, saving the world from the evil clutches of SPECTRE, because he was, indeed, 007---he just wouldn't be able to tell me about it, because then he'd have to kill me and he wouldn't want that---which leads into the whole Han Solo-ish conflicted hero syndrome I've loved since I saw Star Wars at age seven. He would also have dark hair, was about 6'2", with eyes of blue and was ripped enough that he could be a model in the Soloflex ads (you remember those, don't ya?). He would also be able to kiss me in such a way that I would morph into a puddle of uncomprehending lust.

That one, fortunately, went out the window when I was about eighteen, hit college and realized just what men were about. The high standards I had set for my ideal mate, it became quite clear, would need to be readjusted. So, after much frustration, I rather cleverly decided the coin needed to be flipped and thought about what I could not live without. The list is as follows:

• A man who puts the seat down and doesn't splatter all over the place

And that's about it, kids. Because ultimately I decided I could not live without a decent man, and it was my observation, during my very own "Janet" moment, that all decent men put the seat down when they were done. It says quite a bit, that little act of courtesy. Particularly at two-thirty in the morning and you don't want to turn the bathroom light on.

The other Divas have their own takes on what a woman wants. Go and read, my children, and be enlightened.

UPDATE: The Wizard after saying some very nice things about the Divas (thank you, sir) points the way to this chuckle-inducer regarding King Arthur's quest to come up with an answer to the same question.

Posted by Kathy at March 15, 2005 10:47 AM