I suppose, on one of them thar' sidebars, I should publish a warning that if you send me a stupid email, it will henceforth be published and subjected to harsh mockery. Well, I don't have any such warning posted. Pfft. Like that's gonna stop me.
While I've never had the need to publish such a warning---mainly because the Cake Eater mailbox has, mostly, been an unloved, ignored place---today has proved to be the exception to the rule. After all, it's not everyday you receive an email heralding that, since you have set yourself up as a vigorous opponent of Islamofascism, a fatwa has been issued against you.
Since whomever wrote this email has their wires crossed in such a way that they could light up Antarctica simply by blinking two times really fast, I feel the compulsion to have a little fun at their expense.
Let the mockery begin!
FEED THEM TO PIGS ! Dear Fellow Christian, Jew, Buddhist or Sikh This will be the most improtant email you will ever read in your entire life so please be patient and read to the end or you will wish you had.
Oooh! An appeal to a diverse, but by no means comprehensive, group of religious folks, a violent reference to swine, and a warning that I'd better heed about reading something! WOWEEEEEE! All the highpoints in a few sentences. Woooooh. The author should be published! Daily. With loads of money thrown at them. They're so concise and urgent Shivers are running up and down my spine!
There is a civil war brewing that is being kept from us that you ALL need to know about.
Really? Hadn't heard of it. By all means, tell me. I'm all agog!
There are some things that need clarifying so that we can leave behind a planet of peace for our children and their children and future generations.
Ah, peace, love and harmony! Is there any better sentiment? I think not. We all want peace love and harmony not only for us, but for our descendants. It's common ground, people, and the author is, indeed, the only person to clarify this matter so we can achieve the lofty goal.
Please pass this email on to anyone you love or care about and make sure they are NOT muslim.! TRY AND FORWARD TO AT LEAST 10 PEOPLE !
Oooh, no one I love should be a follower of Allah and I need to forward this email to at least ten people. So they'll make sure no one they love is Muslim, either.
Hmmm. Ok. Muslims live downstairs. TARGET ACQUIRED! What would be the best way to accomplish this goal. Forwarding them this email? Naaaaaah! Why? Because I don't have their email address! I have to go talk to them in person if I want to achieve this goal!
But how to achieve it?
Hmmmm.
I suppose I could convince my neighbors to convert to Catholicism. Might take some work, but I think they're craving bacon, so pointing out to them that if they were Catholic, they could, indeed, eat bacon might just do the trick. Or maybe I should get my other neighbors to take them to Temple? Because, you know, Jews secretly crave bacon, too, and maybe they'd help their fellow swine-rejecters along? It could happen. You know, in the spirit of La Resistance, with La Marseille playing in the background. Or maybe we should just get the other neighbors to take them to a Lutheran service, because, after all those Lutherans strive to be non-offensive! And they can eat bacon, too. We shall show those pesky bacon haters the way to eating bacon---one way or another!
But the question would be why I should take the time to bring these muslims I love over to the power of the other white meat. It's nagging at me, I'm afraid. I wonder if the author will tell me?
Oh yeah...
1) Muslims are slowly poisoning us with their curries and kebabs. FACT
2) Beheading is a too softer word for what lies in store for us - see OGRISH.com to see what these evil islamic extremists really do to severe the heads of our people. FACT WARNING: THESE CLIPS WILL HAUNT YOU !
ALSO SEE TurkishDenial.com
Damn.
I've had food poisoning from eating bad curry before. I thought it was because it had been sitting in the fridge for a few days too many, but hey, it appears there's a conspiracy involved! Woohoo! I can now blame the awful intestinal distress (to put it mildly) and exceedingly weird dreams I was having that night on MUSLIMS, and not my own stupidity! Woohoo! Nothing quite like being able to pass the buck along, eh?
Then, just in case I'm having doubts about the Worldwide Conspiracy of Curry Makers (TM), the author tells me to visit Ogrish.com. Because "beheading is "too softer a word" to describe what lies in store for us! Well, forgive me if I skip the requisite visit to my friendly neighborhood bestiality website. I'm just too damn dainty for that sort of place.
We need to get ALL muslims out of the country of England and USA and the ONLY way we are going to do this is by ceasing to use their businesses ie: Curry shops, stores and kebab stalls.
If you like curry, then buy from SIKHS instead (sikhs are our allies and they are the ones who wear the turbans instead of skull caps) THIS IS IMPORTANT TO KNOW SO AS YOU DO NOT CONFUSE THEM WITH THE ENEMY.
A boycott! YAY! I can finally get in on that exciting boycott action I missed when I was a kid and was too young to jump on Apartheid! Fabulous. And so much easier, too. I don't even have to go to DC and burn a flag. I can just not eat curry, and if I like curry (which I do) I can make sure to patronize only Sikh-owned curry shops. Fab. Thanks for laying out all the options for me. I suppose this also means I should block up any venting ducts that I share with the neighbors, because they're always cooking curry. Hence, I shouldn't be smelling the fruits of their labors, because by smelling them, well, I'm participating in the Worldwide Conspiracy of Curry Makers (TM), aren't I?
The duct tape will be flowing freely in the Cake Eater Apartment tonight, baby!
The same poison that was used against russian president is now being slowly introduced into our food by muslim outlets ALL OVER THE UK ! FACT. !!!
Putin's been poisoned? Well knock me over with a feather! I thought it was only Yushchenko who'd had to hire a food taster to check over his Chicken Kiev, that Ukrainian specialty. On the upside, a profession in the UK that hasn't been around since the heady days of Henry VIII will be recruiting shortly! I can only imagine what sort of benefits the trade unions will acquire for these individuals. That's gotta be one heck of a pension plan!
Now that people have cottoned on that they will have their heads sawn off if they go near iraq, terrorists will now be taking action in our countries needing nothing more that a video camera and a serrated sword/knife.
ARM YOUR HOMES ! With swords, crossbows and anything you can get your hands on that will KILL intruders should they decide that YOUR family would look good on tape and which will eventually end up on OGRISH.com
Time to weapon-up! Because they're coming after us. Here. In America and in the UK! Excellent! Bout frickin' time, assholes! I've been waiting. No more hidey holes for you! There's nothing I like better than crossbows and semi-automatic weapons. And there's the added incentive that by slaying the beasts, I can end up on Ogrish. Because it's so damn hard to get on Ogrish. Their publication standards are just so lofty. It's really hard to meet up with their expectations. This way I get to shortcut the submission process simply by slaying some Islamofascists who attempt to break and enter the Cake Eater Pad.
In the words of the Poet of Our Day, Eric Cartman: "Sweeet!"
GET THEM OUT ! STARVE THEM OUT ! DO NOT BUY FROM THEM ! THEIR BUSINESSES WILL COLLAPSE AND THEY WILL HAVE TO GO ELSEWHERE ! DO NOT SERVE THEM ! As said before, if you think this is over-reacting , over dramatic, and unrealistic then visit OGRISH.com and OPEN YOUR EYES NOW !!!
Ok, now it's getting to be a bit tiresome. Methinks someone really likes Ogrish for stuff other than beheading pics.
Who do you think your pleasant muslim neighbours are going to choose over you and their god ! ? If you think its you, then you are a FOOL !
Well, then. I'll stop admiring the chubby cheeks on my Muslim neighbors' kid. He obviously wants to kill me. I'd better get on top of the situation because soon he'll be able to wield a knife. He just has to get that potty training thing down pat before he can try to slice my head off.
Be instrumental in the most important thing you will ever be a part if your entire life and make sure these facts get across the globe within 24 hours by the power of the internet. God said, you will know evil people by their fruits. And the fact that these people KILL when WE voice our OWN opinion in OUR OWN COUNTRY shows that we are dealing with primitive, un-evolved, rabid animals.
Yes, we need to get these facts out over the Internet. I swear. It's the only place I can go to where people will tell me the truth!
Girl Scouts Honor!
Enoch powell predicted there will be rivers of blood in the UK and this is becoming frighteningly close to happening ! Now that they have managed to ban christian school assemblies and reading books such as "3 little pigs " they NOW want to ban Christian Nativity scenes.
Who the fuck is Enoch Powell? Should I Google? Naaaaaah. He must be an important soul if he's quoted in an email. I will believe him. It sounds like he and O'Reilly have much in common about being against banning nativity scenes.
MAKE A STAND ! CHRIST BLED FOR YOU, NOW ITS YOUR TURN TO GIVE SOMETHING BACK ! SEND THIS EMAIL TO AS MANY FELLOW COUNTRY MEN AS YOU CAN BECAUSE TONY BLAIR IS AS BLIND AND AS SELFISH AS DAVID BLUNKETT.
I WONDER IF HE WOULD HAVE BENT THE RULES IF IT WAS HIS SON KIDNAPPED ? WHY DID THE ITALIAN PRESIDENT PAY FOR HIS PEOPLE BACK AND BLAIR WOULDNT ?
Christ bled for me? What? Did He only die for someone else? Sheesh. I see the way it works. I'm fine with it. Really. It's not like I'm hurt or anything. {Sniff}
The videos you will watch will make you sick, but you need to know that the devil is right in front of us, and we are being blind-folded.!
Please use the brain that God gave you and open your eyes. Make your own conclusions! And know that if there were any a better time to unite as one, it is now !.
Well, I can almost get behind that one. Unity. The devil being ever present. Maybe there's some sense to be had in this after all.
LET THEM KNOW YOU ARE READY TO TAKE THE HEADS OF THEM WHO ARE TAKING OURS, AND FEED THEIR FILTHY WORTHLESS DEMONIC REMAINS TO FARMYARD PIGS.
Ah, man. Premature ejaculation is always so damn messy. That was quite the wad you blew, bud. Have fun mopping it up on your own.
Yours in the real God of righteousness.
Oooh. I'm, like, all impressed with your, like, piety.
THESE SICK BASTARDS ARE PUTTING OUT FATWA'S ( DEATH WARRANTS) ON ALL THAT DISPLAY THEIR DISGUST AT THEIR ACTIONS.
SEE BELOW FOR JUST A FEW WHO ARE NOW TARGETS FOR THESE EVIL SATANIC MONSTERS WHO HAVE VOWED TO ASSINATE THEM IN 2005 !
» Fatwa issued against Armies of Liberation for American Hostage Beheaded
» Fatwa issued against RIGHT ON RED >> for American Hostage Murdered
» Fatwa issued against Interested-Participant for American Hostage Beheaded
» Fatwa issued against Ramblings' Journal for American Eugene Armstrong beheaded by terrorists in Iraq
» Fatwa issued against InTheBullpen.com for Armstrong Beheaded
» Fatwa issued against Sparse Matrix for Religion of Peace Saws Off Another Head
» Fatwa issued against Outside The Beltway for Video: American Hostage Eugene Armstrong Beheaded
» Fatwa issued against The LLama Butchers for What the....?
» Fatwa issued against Way Off Bass for Reflections on Terror
» Fatwa issued against The Southern California Law Blog for Another Videotaped Execution
» Fatwa issued against Cake Eater Chronicles for Know Thy Enemy
» Fatwa issued against Rooftop Report for American Eugene Armstrong beheaded by terrorists in Iraq - - Video
» Fatwa issued against Backcountry Conservative for American Hostage Beheaded on Video
» Fatwa issued against Wizbang for American Hostage Allegedly Beheaded In Iraq
» Fatwa issued against Poisoning Pigeons for What are we prepared to do? American beheaded
» Fatwa issued against In Search of Utopia for Eugene Armstrong RIP
» Fatwa issued against baldilocks for Fair Trade?
» Fatwa issued against No Pundit Intended for American Hostage Beheaded
» Fatwa issued against Classical Values for Eugene Armstrong Beheaded
» Fatwa issued against Six Meat Buffet for Another beheading
» Fatwa issued against Sworn Enemy for American Beheaded
» Fatwa issued against Classical Values for Paul Johnson beheading video released
» Fatwa issued against Demoncratic Blunderground for Barbarians at the Gate!
» Fatwa issued against Gut Rumbles for not for the faint of heart
» Fatwa issued against dcthornton.com for Two Americans Beheaded
» Fatwa issued against Ravenwood's Universe for RCOB™ Moment
» Fatwa issued against Winds of Change.NET for Why Don't We Just Listen?
» Fatwa issued against Grouchy's Liberaltopia for Link to American beheading video
» Fatwa issued against Classical Values for Nick Berg Beheading Video is here
INFO FOUND AT THE JAWA REPORT
http://mypetjawa.mu.nu/archives/046686.php
Hey! There's my fatwa! YipppySkippy! Looks like I'll be in good company when we all cack for the sole reason we linked to Rusty's report.
Who knew trackback could be so damn dangerous! Deadly, even. Damn Haloscan and Movable Type! I knew you'd be nothing but trouble from the first moment I laid eyes on your beautiful link whoring abilities! Damn you all to hell! I shall go into hiding....NOW!
ps. Did you know that just 3 pigs will eat a human being within 24 hours completely outright after just 2 days without eating. Hair, teeth, bones, the lot !
Just thought you might be interested in that fact.
Actually, I already knew that. I went to college in Iowa. Those farmboys sure do know a lot and are, on the whole, willing to share it. Thanks for the tip, though.
Ahhh. Feel better? I know I do.
Posted by Kathy at December 20, 2004 09:49 PM